Rebirth of Ahimsika

Rebirth of Ahimsika
They huddled around the blazing log fire,extending their hands towards the leaping flames to catch some heat to ward off the chill.It was peak of winter, a cold night fell early ,bringing all activities in that small forest clearing, to a slow halt, earlier than usual. The still night, leaping flames of the fire throwing shadows of different shapes and forms on the surrounding bush. The crackling sound of the burning logs, eddying smoke rising slowly up the cold air and strange lights of early night all contributed to creation of a blissful ambience had lulled the huddling foursome into a thoughtful and nostalgic silence. Philosophy takes hold of mind in such circumstances and they all felt like talking about things that they had learnt to hide from themselves. They all had some things in common. Each of them had rejected the societies that had spawned them, for some very personal reasons they would not care to talk about. They had gratefully accepted the anonymity offered by the forest,and finding kindred souls had made their tough life somehow tolerable.In each others company, they had found the blanket of security that life had conspired to deny them
They could talk about a variety of topics and concepts on account of varied background and past experiences.Today strangely, it was metaphysical philosophy.
The oldest of them was thinking aloud, ‘ some of our intimate actions give us more pleasure and our mind keeps positioning us to make us reiterate these actions,so that we get to re enjoy those fleeting moments of pleasure. Over a period of time , this becomes a habit which we eagerly anticipate and enjoy.If there was no pleasure, life would become flat and unbearable for desolate souls like us.”
The other three listened patiently , not wishing to interrupt the thoughtprocess.In the type of life they led and struggles they had to contend with, moments of pleasure were few and their memories very faint and unclear.They were more familiar with pain than any pleasure, so the words of the oldman seemed more like a tame joke than profound wisdom.The urge to talk never the less was very much evident and it was a way of life to pass such nights.
The second man thought differently.For him ,talk of pleasure was painful.He said “Ibeg to differ.I think pain rules the life. I think there is pain in every effort weak or strong..You can laugh at the pain but can not ignore it altogether.It is there alright.As you grow older away from everybody, you seem to feel the pain more frequently.”
The mention of pain made them un comfortable and to hide it from one another , they all laughed un easily .The third one said as though he wanted to change the subject ”Ithink, you are mistaking pain for fear. Man is dogged more by fear than pain. In all his actions , there is a fear of failure, some thing going very wrong as it happened to many of us. Fear of uncertainty of positive results arising out of our actions. Fear can be kept in check but never conquered totally..Yes weak or strong , fear lurks around you all the time.”
The fourth one , the youngest of the lot remained quiet.The others had expected him to talk because normally he was the one who kept them going . He seemed so knowledgeable, with broad forehead and shining countenance. They had heard that he had attended the university at Takshashila, which he had to leave suddenly because his enemies had cought up with him all of a sudden ,terminating his quest for knowledge and scholarship., and he had to run away. He had been running all the time, from place to place till he found some safety in this forest cover..To night , he was listening to his friends talk about pain and fear and he had endured pain and fear of far greater intensity and frequency than any of the others. There was a time he was known by names like Abhaya and Ahimsiks.The irony of life was such that those names were more cruel appendages of his personality ,as he was always in perpetual fear of discovery and pain as consequence .
The youngster shifted his weight. Actually he was squatting in front of the fire,his troubled face in the shadow , with his buttocks arched over the ground, his feet held together tightly and his chin resting on his round knees. This way he was better able to absorb more heat and handle the cold.As he shifted his position, others leaned in anticipation, thinking he was going to say some thing. They always liked to hear him speak. He had such a rich cultured voice and a knack of saying in simple words, complex feelings and issues. They hoped he would speak. He pushed himself up and stood towering over them. He was tall and well built. Power oozed from every pore and he locked his fingers and lifted both hands above his head, flexing his muscles. He had the raw poor you see in some people. He had trained himself to be a warrior some time back but never came around to testing his strength in any combat situation, because he was always in fear of consequences of his actions. He preferred to run away from situation, than making a stand and testing his strength and fighting skills. He feared that his strength would be his undoing. He was feeling that fear again and wished his friends talked about some thing else.
He turned away from fire and walked towards the distant bushes. They watched him as darkness enveloped him as he stepped out of circle of light thrown by the fire. They shrugged their shoulders in disappointment. The world was full of strange people. Some people preferred to carry their burdens on their own shoulders, not wanting others to know of their problems. Jagan as they called him was definitely in different mood this night.
Jagan smiled to himself.It is so easy to talk about fear and pain, when you are sitting around your own camp fire., when you feel secure that your friend wont stab your back all of a sudden, when screaming mob is not chasing you.when armed men on swift horses are not chasing you down and you are not dodging silent arrows aimed at you. You don’t wait to see if there is any pleasure in the engagement or the violent grip of fear around your neck. Then you run , run as fast as your legs can carry you away and away from that source of fear and pain. He had the intelligence to find a way out of this fear, He even had his own supporters, many in number who would have made him a king. If only he had stopped running and made a stand. He never dared to find out. Because, the fear had the uncanny habit of creating distrust. Intense distrust piled on more fear. Whenever he trusted, he faced more pain . Betrayal, treachery and flight. That was his way of life earlier..It was like a large wheel, turning over and over fear, trust and pain , one over another always inter linked, keeping him on the move all the time till he found secured shelter in this forest. He had never cared to talk about such experiences. Today, he had heard his friends talk about these aspects so casually. He wondered if any of his friends had suffered that way.
He walked back to the fire in time to hear one of them pose a question,” can pain or fear be used to induce pleasure?”
Second man said,”sure.”
“How?”,jagan almost shouted.
“Simple, “said the oldman,”transfer it to another person and see how you feel. That would be a very satisfying moment indeed.”
They all became very silent, thinking about what the old man had said. They all knew it did not work that way at all. Fear and Pain were permanent perceptions while pleasure was a fleeting one, lasting for a very very small time. Man had not worked out of that problem , yet. It required a very special person to make pleasure a lasting perception. The world would stop for such a person. They had no idea that such a person was already born and He was closing in on them.
Jagan was puzzled. He was wondering if it was really possible to gain pleasure by transferring your own pain and fears over to another person. Would it work for every one. Importantly would it for him? If so, it would change his life, he thought.

Chapter2
Jagan was walking alone, carrying the load of dead deer which he had just killed. He thought he would not starve to day. He looked around for a secluded spot close to the waterfront, where he could have his meal, wash up and rest with out anyone disturbing him. He felt he was at peace with himself and with the world at large. For him such a feeling was very rare and often very short lived. Whenever he had such a warm sense of contentment, life always played some dirty trick, snatching cruelly his moments of pleasure and leaving him snared again in a web of fear and pain. Today , he was determined that he would savour this unique feeling of comfort and peace with out any one to interfere with him. It appeared he had thought too soon about comfort.
His way was blocked by three very tired looking men on very tired looking horses..These men had been riding for long with out food and rest. In their present condition they looked mean and desperate. They were also armed. Jagan could see their long spears with shining pointed ends, held upright on easy stance on their shoulders. Two of them moved their horses on either side of Jagan, effectively bottling him up. Jagan guessed correctly that they were trained soldiers, though tired.
The man in front bent almost double on his horse said ,’we want that meat.”
There was menace in that tone which was disconcerting..Jagan said easily , in most friendly tone,”Yes, it is a big beast.We all can have a good meal together.”
The man shook his head in a lazy manner,’No. You did not hear me properly. I said , we want that meat’
Jagan said faintly bewildered ’You mean, I can not have my share? That would be ridiculous considering the fact that I killed the beast in the first place. If I please, I will share my food”
The man said ” You have no choice in this matter” There was no attempt to maintain any politeness .
Jagan felt a flutter in his stomach. He had always dreaded such situations. He felt hot and flushed, with pumping of adrenal in his veins. He had to decide to stay and fight or drop and run away. In the past he had always run away not wanting to test his fighting skills in such situations. He had at some point in his past life had received training in martial arts and gained some amount of proficiency too. But he never trusted his skills .Running away meant being alive for some more time and survival meant a lot more to him than glory of defeating an adversary. For him it was never one fight. It was a fear of consequences of one fight. For him one fight led to another and it would go on and on .It meant to be always on guard and be ever ready to fight, to hold on and on. It was a continuous on set of fear. A loss of fight meant hurt , pain and more fear. Escape meant peace. No shame was attached to the inclination to stay alive. He was not there to impress any one. Protect yourself for tomorrow. That was his motto in life. So far, that was.
But today was different. He had resolved that nothing would come in his way of having a satisfying meal and following peaceful rest. These three men are not going to change that resolution, he decided. He would not allow fear and prospect of pain due to conflict to change his mindset.today he would test the hypothesis that fear can be transferred and pleasure gained. With his mind set , he faced the challenge boldly .
The man was annoyed that jagan had not complied with his order readily. In anger he shouted
“Come on, we can not wait for ever. Drop the meat and depart.”
The man brought the upright spear from vertical stance to horizontal position in preparation of frontal thrust. His two fisted grip on the long shaft tightened ready to push the point deep into Jagan’s exposed stomach. Jagan had seen many mangled bodies of soldiers after a skirmish. He was aware that if he did not do something in the next few immediate minutes he would be lying on the ground with his stomach torn wide open and bleeding to death. In a quick un expected move, he threw the beast on the face of advancing soldier totally catching him by surprise. It was a heavy beast and the facial impact knocked the man down .He fell banging his head on an outcrop of a rock.He was out for the count. Jagan followed up smartly snatching the spear from weak hands.
With the spear in his hands now, he whirled around swinging the long shaft in a wide arc slashing a second man’s throat .The man on his right moved , striking out with his weapon, a weak action more out of habit than with any intent. Jagan ducked easily under the swinging weapon plunged his point deep into an un suspecting stomach bringing the fight to quick end. The man screamed in pain and dropped dead. The man with the slashed throat was still on his feet ,his one hand pressing the wound to stop the bleeding, the other hand still holding his weapon offensively even though all fight had gone out of his tired body. As a trained soldier , he was still weighing his chances when he heardJagan say softly “there is no need to fight at all. Two of us can share this food. You do not at all look like a person in the best of conditions for fighting with that neck wound bleeding so profusely. If you will drop your weapon Iwill attend to your wound. I am trained medicine man,though out of practice for long. I am not normally keen on killing. So act smart and drop your spear and extend your hand of friendship”
The man smiled in relief, resting his weapon on his shoulder point away from jagan ’You are very right. I am in no condition to fight and you seem to be devilishly fast and strong. I am very tired and have not eaten for long. Now if you will permit me, I would like to look at my friends” so saying and with out waiting for Jagan’s comments he rushed to se the friend with the stomach wound. He was dead already. The man hit by the beast was stirring. He opened his eyes and soon clambered up to resume the fight . He was very soon convinced that he had no reason to fight. The food was ready to be served
He saw huge chunks of meat jerked out of the beast held at the tips of his spears roasting over a small fire. Hunger won over the urge to fight and a friendly hand helped to rise and reach out for his share. His friend was smiling at him with his neck wound nicely bound and healing.
Covered by blanket of contentment after a hearty meal, they allowed their tired bodies to drop off to sleep.

Chapter3
Sitting under a tree, Jagan recalled recent events involving the horsemen and how he had handled the situation. After a long time he could overcome the fear and act in a decisive manner.There was a warm glow of pleasure of having won a small skirmish and made new friends by sharing food with the strangers with out any show of animosity. He was thrilled that he had established his own identity crawling out of shadow into broad sunlight, made a bold statement and came on top. His soul that was submerged in an ocean of fear and distrust till now , finally saw the glory of victory. He felt surely that, he was no more carrying in his mind the dreadful sense of perpetual threat. He had discovered that life had a great deal more to offer when you stand up and hold a position than when you ran away fearing failure and pain. He recalled the words of the dean of the famous TAKSHA SEELA University , just as he was leaving its portals hounded by his enemies who had tracked him to that place and tried to eliminate him. After a warm embrace , the dean had said”never allow fear to conquer your mind. You are destined to do great things. A thousand good deeds by you would redeem your glory.”But Jagan could not conquer the gnawing fear that tore at his vitals till yesterday .He looked around him with wide open eyes with new found confidence. you could see his strength. In his muscles he could feel more steel and in his mind there was clarity in place of confusion.
The days passed by. Winter gave way to spring and people began to move about from place to place seeking work or doing some trade.Jagan felt he too should get involved in some activity using his extra ordinary skills and knowledge gained at the university. He had discovered that overcoming fear brought a triumph of achievement and to maintain that high morale platform he had to be continuously engaged in some activity. He decided that helping people would be the best thing he could do considering the skills and knowledge he possessed. People trusted him with information and he gave sound advise on trade and commerce. People began to respect him , his assertiveness and the confidence he inspired. The traders wanted his opinion about security of tradesmen who were coming under the attack of roaming highway robbers. They felt if the economy was to improve, there should be free trade and this was not possible if the robbers were not stopped. Jagan felt that was one area he could engage himself. He suggested that the tradesmen should move in convoys, so that they could have collective security and mutual help. The trades men were not the fighting type , so suffered more individually, during attack. So the concept of convoy system and collective security made more sense to them and they adapted it wisely and engaged armed men to travel along with them to offer protection.
The highway robbers , one day , attacked one such convoy.Apart from looting , this time they were ruthless as some of their own men were killed or injured by the armed men accompanying the convoy. So in a fit of rage, they killed , maimed and brutalised the tradesmen, their children and their womenfolk. The traders were in total disarray after one such vicious attack. They asked Jagan to help.Jagan promised he would help.
Jagan thought, that trade was more important for society and the robbers seemed to be having a free run as the king and his army were far away from trade routes. If the robbers had to be stopped , there should be a powerful deterrant, which can not come from trades people as they did not possess the skill to mount a deterrant. Jagan had to do this himself. He has to fight for the trades people. But Jagan did not like to kill. If fear of death was not there how would it stop the robbers. He knew he had to do some thing totally different and fearful that the robbers would think twice before attacking .He knew he could find a way to put a fear with out actually taking out a life. He remembered the conversation with his friends around a campfire about transfer of fear to derive pleasure. The time had come to try that hypothesis. Jagan smiled.
Then he came to know of another ambush , more vicious than before.jagan saw for himself how the people had suffered in the hands of the robbers. He had to do some thing. He ascertained where the robbers had set their camp and decided to challenge them..He saw a wild horse roaming about in the forest. He threw a rope and caught the horse and mounted it like a trained horsemen. The beast protested initially but he managed to calm him down by his soft touch and steadying words. Then the horse began to obey his commands and he allowed him to pick up speed. Jagan was not armed except for the hunting knife that he always carried. He would have loved a long sword today. The horse brought him to the edge of the forest where the robbers had camped. The bandits had lit a great fire to celebrate their victory and sacking of the traders convoy. The bandits had seen him long before he reached the campfire. They did not know him and had no idea of what he wanted and how to deal with him. They saw the magnificent horse and knew that such horses could be mounted only by extra ordinary men
Jagan pulled his horse to a stop and he was immediately surrounded by the bandits.Jagan was not scared. He looked around and shouted “where is your leader?”
There was authority in that voice.There was menace in the way he shouted.There was a hint of impatience too. Jagan was sure he was not going to waste his time engaging with underlings of the bandit tribe. He wanted to deal with the leader.The men shifted their position nervously , getting ready for a fight that would break out soon enough.Jagan shouted again’where is he?’
A man emerged from behind a tree. He was tall and broad and menacing. He looked at Jagan with a hint of annoyance and lot of impatience. He walked casually towards Jagan , slowly extending his hand towards him. Jagan noted that his adversary was very strong and one to one combat was out of question.He had to overwhelm him very very fast. He jumped from his horse and grabbed the bandits extended arm, pulling him close to his body and twisted it violently.The man screamed in pain and even before the scream stopped, jagan threw him over his legs and took out his hunting knife from his waist .The huge man was now lying on his back with his hand still in Jagan’s fast grip. Jagan was pressing that hand against a stone and quickly and deliberately cut the thumb out of that hand .This brutal and totally unexpected attack shocked the bandit and he screamed again as the knife cut through his flesh.he looked at Jagan with eyes that rolled in fear.The men around the bandit stood stupefied. Jagan held up the bleeding hand and the severed thumb for every one to see and said”This is my way of punishing you for your brutal attack on the traders and their children.”He made sure that every one watched what he showed and heard the warning issued.”Today it is a thumb, next time I catch you it will be your neck.”He waited for his words to sink in and then mounted his horse gracefully and galloped away leaving a stunned gang and screaming bandit chief.
His heart was singing .He had done some thing thrilling today.He didnot remain a silent helpless witness to an atrocity. He had acted. Acted to bring about a deterrant against future attacks on traders and innocent people., some thing that would ensure security of people. This is what a king was expected to do , punish the criminals and protect the innocent. Even though he was not a king of any particular nation, He had answered his calling .He was proud of what he had done.It did not matter to him was that what he himself had done was so bizarre and cruel.For him it was a matter of judgement passed and punishment meted out to the culprit.He had convinced himself that what he did was just and proper and he should not indulge in too much of soul searching. He held up the stump of thumb and admired it as he would admire any memento. He decided he would keep it with him. He found a thorny bush from which he extracted a long thorn.Using it as a point he pierced the thumb and passed a thin rope through the hole and made assort of garland which he put around his own neck, with the bloody thumb dangling obscenely. He centred it and muttered to himself ‘angulimal’. The thumb had begun to decay in the heat and a foul smell soon engulfed him. HE Suppressed a rising vomit admonishing himself saying, ‘ you can not be squeamish about this any more. Consider it as a trophy and be happy you have some thing to showoff, for the first good deed you did for some one else’s sake.Angulimala , he said again, a thousand good deed will restore your old glory. He tried to imagine how he would look with a mala of thousand thumbs.
The word spread fast, far and wide. The bandits went under cover hoping to rise again after the new menace of Anguli mal was done away with. Some adventurous bandits who could not stop their campaigns because of personal compulsions soon discovered that Jagan had an uncanny way of turning up at most inopportune moment , to thwart their plans. They ended up losing their thumbs .The traders rejoiced that some one had taken on the bandits and taught them a fitting lesson. The thumbs up sign became the rage of the land. People moved around freely with out fear. Trade flourished, people crisscrossing the forest clearing increased. Jagan’s garland became more sinister looking with more thumbs attached. Jagan ‘s heroics thrilled some youngsters and they joined JAGAN,who now became a leader of bandit busters, who were now encouraged by traders by sharing a part of their gain in their increased trade.Thus a new team of gangbusters started roaming. Jagan ensured that nobody was killed, so that people and traders knew that what Jagan now offered by way of profession was an insurance against being waylaid and killed.
You can not expect professional robbers to stop their actively permanently. They regrouped and put their heads together to think of a way to neutralise the Angulimal effect as they began to call their problem. They were now more worried because Jagan was not alone any more. Their chief said’Let us concentrate on Angulimal. The others are simply some hot blooded youngsters out for a kick.Once Angulimal is out of the scene they will all disappear like dew in the morning sun. Another thing we know about this gent is Jagan likes to operate alone because he has some scruples. He does not kill. He can not allow any of the youngsters plunge a knife in some body’s back just for fun. He would like to keep his reputation as a do gooder in tact. So let us plan an ambush, so that we catch him alone and kill him.
They planned well. It was diabolical. They split themselves into two groups and leaked information to jagan about where and whom they are going to attack. The other group went after another caravan in the opposite direction. Jagan has to decide one way or other as he can not be in two places at the same time. The robbers thought ,‘So far , Jagan has not found our hide out , so we are more likely to succeed in trapping him in one of the two places”. They armed themselves with bows and arrows and long swords , mounted their horses and spread out as per plan
Jagan did not like the extended period of lull because his youngsters were becoming impatient as they all wanted to go on horseback chasing away scared bandits wanting to keep their thumbs in tact. So when he got the message about a new strike, he found it was a welcome challenge. He wondered why any one would give advance notice and he sensed a trap. As he was not very keen on leading his youngsters into a trap where things could get a little tough, he decided to go alone advising them to ride north where a new caravan was arriving and they may be walking un wittingly into an ambush. The prospect of action spurred the youngsters .They promised Jagan , they will not be over zealous and would fight gangsters only when provoked as they believed that mere presence of Jagan’s army would stop all thiefs in their tracks.
Jagan mounted his white horse, armed with a stick that had a metal rim at one end. A hard blow by that end would stop any one cold..His horse sensed his excitement and ran eagerly to the scene of action. Jagan stopped his horse near a clump of trees and looked around..On the ground he could see marks and footprints of a dozen horses. He walked his horse around to see if there are any horses around. His horse sensed what he was looking for and led him where a dozen horses were let loose in the grass.Jagan knew if the horses were loose, the riders must be on foot .So jagan decided that he would not get down from his horse, as he knew it is difficult for a man on the ground to attack a mounted man and the advantage rested with the man on the horse. This was a comfort. Slowly he brought the horse to the centre of clearing among the trees and as expected the robbers dropped from the trees with a cry of triumph. They had effectively surrounded Jagan. All they had to do was to kill the horse and their man would be on the ground. They had miscalculated as they did not know any thing about the horse.It was a fighting horse with flared nostrils and powerful legs. The horse whirled around fast and lashed out with its hind legs catching two of them as they tried to close in on jagan from back.The legs caught them in their chins , lifting them up in air with necks snapping. The swords flew up in air and jagan cought one smartly.H e was now ready.Steel clashed with steel and very soon the air was thick with screams of anger and pain as sword slashed through flesh and bone. The horse moved expertly creating space for his master to deal powerful blows. Jagan handled himself with grace and finesse and very soon he had all the robbers lying on the ground. He had not killed any one.They all had body wound s and were bleeding. Once Jagan knew that there was no more fight in them , he dis mounted and talked to their leader.”You all know about my warning. You thought you could eliminate me and resume your robbing ways. You know how I punish those, who don’t obey me. I simply take their thumbs”So saying he leaned and got hold of one man by his hand”You are the first and be happy that I am cutting only one thumb to day, as I am going to allow the rest of you go home. You all will any way die due to loss of blood and no body to dress up your wound”The man whose hand was being held by Jagan looked at Jagan pleading ly ,”please ,not my thumb please I would like to die with my hand in tact”
Jagan laughed.”Do you think I would allow you to die. I am taking your thumb and patch you up so nicely that you would go around showing your thumbless hands to all those who advocate armed robbery. This is what happens when you disregard Jagan’s words”
Jagan looked at his man’s face, especially the eyes.They became dark and cloudy as fear struck their mind. His lips trembled and hands shook. Words wont come so easily a feeling of numbness would be overcoming. Jagan was very familiar with these feelings He had been going through similar emotions so many times in himself To day he saw transfer of fear. A surge of happiness saw him bring out a cutting knife. Slowly with out showing any emotion , he cut the thumb.the man screamed and sobbed un controllably.
JAGAN SAID’” I will not allow any one to die if I can help it.” His emotions changed and he became an angel running from man to man , attending to the wounds, cleaning up and bandaging with forest hemp and greens. The men watched in awe , wondering how can a brute become so changed. When he was finished Jagan stood up and said , “I could have cut so many thumbs to day. M y mission in life is to protect, not kill. I am not obsessed. I give you an option Promise me you will give up this profession, I will lead you to your horses and you can go home alive. If you don’t , then I will carry your horses and leave you here to fend for yourselves “
They all promised they would not rob again in their life as the fear of loss of thumb would remain with them for ever. Jagan felt happy. He added one more thumb to his garland.He mounted his horse and raced away from their sight

Chapter4
He sat there under a large leafy peepul tree that was throwing broad circular shade all round the tree.People sat all round him ,looking at His face with adoration and devotion. His face was radiant and so majestic to look at. The large bright eyes under bushy eye brows were calm and clear. His very presence electrified the atmosphere around filling every one with a sense of awe and respect. He sat cross legged on a woollen blanket. His right hand was raised , palm turned out wards indicating to every one that all was well. The Ivory skin was glowing in good health. He was preparing to give his evening sermon.
In low tones people were talking about Him ”here is the saint who had conquered Mara . the devilish aspect of all that is bad in human mindset. A saint who could subdue a rogue elephant out to destroy him, single handedly with out any weapon but his sheer magnetic personality. The sakhya Muni who proved to the world that attachment and obsession were root cause for all human misery. The God who walked on earth and showed the middle path in life.
He was about to begin his sermon when a new group of travellers walked in to pay their respects to him.One by one they came close to him, and with joined palms bowed to Him. He noticed that in some of them , thumb was missing. He was curious. He was wondering if a new cult of cut thumbs had taken root among the gullible people.
He asked one man with a missing thumb ”How is that some of you have cut your thumb?”.
The man became pale and a sudden fear leapt into those tired eyes as the innocent question triggered the memory of brutal maiming and mutilation .
He whisphered’Angulimal’, dropping his hands to the sides and acting as though mere mention of that dreaded word would damn his soul to depths of hell.
‘Is that name of a person?’the saint persisted.
‘Yes,’said the man timidly.I was a bandit once .He caught me and punished me for attacking a convoy of traders. He cut off my thumb by way of punishment. He walks around with a garland of thumbs around his neck. He says the memory of that garland would keep us away from criminal way of life and on a straight path’
The saint sucked air with a whoop’.’’Must be a very cruel man. Why does he do this?
‘He says it is a deterrant against crime ”
Who gave him authority to judge and punish?
“He is a law unto himself. Do not judge him too harshly ,Sir. He is also extremely gentle”
The saint smiled, ”Did you say he was gentle too. How?”
‘He could have very easily killed us that day. After cutting our thumb , he dressed the wound and helped us back to our place. He said he had a role to play in life and he would do it perfectly’
“Is that what he said? I must meet up with him soon.”
All thoughts of sermon drained away from the saint’s mind as a new subject called Angulimal engaged his attention. He wanted to know more about him.What sort of man would inflict such a bizarre punishment. How can the same man be also gentle? While the victims still remember the incident with fear , they were not hating him. It appeared that they all respected him , not out of fear but some thing different that he had inculcated in their mind. The terrible fear overwhelmed by extra ordinary kindness and help. They seem to have reformed after the punishment. So after all , he is serving a social purpose. Though the methods adapted appear to be too dramatic. A mixed up soul, ready for enlightenment, the saint thought. His face broke into a big smile that lit up all space around. The monks near him looked up at his face in wonder.what was going on in the mind of the master?, they wondered .
“I must meet up with him before he makes it a big virtue of a bad habit” the saint decided.
He made enquiries to find his whereabouts, his name and his habits.’would he come , if He called him over? Or should he send an emissary. The saint was not able to decide. Then one morning the Saint called one of the elderly monks to his side and explained what he wanted him to do.The monk should go deep into the jungle and meet Angulimal and invite him to visit our hermitage.The name of Budhdha should not be mentioned during conversation. Just bring him over, that is all to be done. Another thing, do not give any sermon. Make sure you come back with your thumb still in place.
The monk listened with rapt attention, his face throwing up a spectrum of violent emotions, shock, bewilderment, sorrow, hatred and resignation.Then he smiled ‘Yes, I will go immediately. It seems to me that Iam going to learn a great deal about human mind in the next few days.Iwill keep my thumbs crossed , he said jokingly.
The monk bowed to the saint and took his leave. His shaven head, the ochre colour robe, a beggar’s bowl and a long sturdy stick all made for a dignified look. His calm eyes, sharp features indicated a maturity that comes after great deal of study and penance.He knew exactly what he was expected to accomplish on this mission. He knew he would fail even before he started. Even the master would be hard pressed to deal with this man , was the thought going through the emissary monk.
After a punishing walk through the forest lands he reached the water front.He stopped to rest and leaned forward to gather some water in his hands to wash his tired face. THERE HE SAW JAGAN SWIMMING VIGOROUSLY IN THE DEEP WATERS OF THE VAST LAKE. The garland with the thumbs was bobbing up and down as he swam hard .The wet hair was neatly plastered against his broad face. The eyes were blazing like powerful gems. The monk always thought eyes would reveal the deepest secret. But in those bright eyes of Jagan , the monk could only see the depth. He was nervous now. With great effort, he waved to the swimmer and called out to him to come ashore.
Jagan had seen the monk from his position in water. He had seen several like this one on his long travels. He never stopped to talk to them. He had heard people talk about them and had formed his own opinion about their lot. Fools trying to make people passive instead of encouraging vigorous action , these lot talked about passive resistance.They talked about new philosophies of life which did not appeal to him even though he comprehended them. He tried to recall what he knew about their leader, the sakhya muni, the saint that talked about eightfold path of life. The saint who ridiculed rituals , the god who said there was no god. Jagan was amused “is the great Budhdha trying to reach me? He asked himself.He saw his own pride peaking , so put it down viciously.
He swam towards the shore with quick powerful strokes.The monk marvelled at the show of energy .
He climbed out of water dressed only in a broad cloth wrapped around his waist. He stod tall and erect a beautiful specimen of manhood in all his grandeur. The steely arms dangling easily at the sides , massive neck and broad shoulders. Rounded buttocks and long sinewy legs with muscular calf muscle and broad shapely thighs. Every girls dream man. The man turned slowly allowing the monk to study the face strong , un lined forehead broad, long eye brows, shapely nose and a firm mouth. No sign of weakness of any sort.Jagan rubbed his head shaking his long hair and throwing water in all direction. Then the monk saw the freshly washed garland of thumbs, a strong foul smell slowly filling the air. The monks nose protested and his face contorted with un familiar smell ’oh, what a stink’ he observed, Jagan heard those unsaid words and was stung to the quick. The retort came like a rush of a powerful arrow leaving the bow,
“ Only foul minds smell foul things. The stink you perceive is the odour of vile things you wish to avoid. If your life is set on cleaning things, you should learn to bear up with stink. You can not run away from that. I wear it around me to remind me that I have a great deal of work to do.”
The monk was a mature man. He knew it was the controlled outburst of a hurt man. He was sorry that he had started this mission all wrong. He tried differently
“why are you showing it off?
“How does it matter to you?”An angry man trying to keep his end up.
‘It matters a great deal to us. That is why I have come here with a message from my master. He would like to meet with you’
“I do not see any reason for his wanting to meet with me. He has his work and I have mine. There is no overlap in our area of work .so why should we meet when we have nothing to talk about.”
‘we do wish to talk about the good things done by you. We would like to build on that start.’
“Ah I know now. I know what you are all after. You are all apostles of ahimsa, beacons of mercy and compassion. You can not bear to see an animal being killed. You would like to walk upto the slaughterhouse and see if you can exchange places with the poor animals. You think your animals all come with four legs .Your interest in me pertains to these wretched thumbs, I know. Now that I know your intent, I am least inclined to spend my time of the day with your kind. Now please be gone” There was anger now. The air between them seemed to have become very hot and un comfortable. The monk shivered.
It was like a king dismissing a menial potente. There was so much power in that assertion. The monk had never been exposed to such energy. The monk was alone with the lingering smell of decayed thumbs in the garland. Jagan had left the scene already.
The monk began his walk towards the hermitage. His head was down and he walked in deep thought. He had been insulted before for many causes. But today he felt as though his very soul had been trampled upon by thousand angry elephants.He was not sure what he was going to tell the master.
The master heard his narration patiently with an all knowing smile firmly on his calm face.
‘NO, YOU DID NOT FAIL.YOU GOT HIM TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HE HAS DONE.In that our mission has been successful. You thought , you were dismissed fast. You sure were, you know why? He wanted to be left alone to think. He could not dismiss you fast enough.”
Now I will go myself. It would be very interesting. The saint’s eyes were dancing in glee at the prospect of meeting with a personality as powerful as his own.
The monk looked up in sudden alarm. The saint smiled and a little later was laughing like a child.
Do not worry. I will come to no harm. Killing is not his forte, not yet. That is why we must hurry.

Chapter5
Next day, Budhdha left the ashram pretty early all alone ,and walked towards the forest. He had along way to cover and he wanted to catch up with Jagan before sunset. He had ruled out all appeals from other monks to take some one along. He said the meeting must be one to one to have any effect .Third person would only make Jagan clam up when all Budhdha wanted was Jagan to talk freely. It was a punishing march under a hot sun. He rested half way to the forest and then made quick time to the waterfront . Sun was on the west side of the forest and the slanting rays cought jagan in their reddish golden colours as he was sitting under a banyan tree in deep meditation. Budhdha approached from the rear not wanting to disturb him. From the cover of bushes, He could watch Jagan
The strong back was ramrod straight, the shoulders broad and the muscles rippling.The long hands were resting on his lap the head was pointed towards east. Budhdha moved slowly to see his front. The finely chiselled features of his face were impressive. The long shapely nose and eye brows enhanced the dignity of the face. Eyes were open but not looking, staring as they were at the distance. Budhdha thought those were the prettiest eyes he had ever seen .From his place, Budhdha could catch the decaying smell emanating from the garland. He made a conscious effort to ignore the smell as it was a sensitive matter for Jagan. He waited for Jagan to come out of the trance he had sunk into during his meditation. He surfaced very slowly his breathing rate building up with amazing control. The eyes began to move as his senses had started registering various aspects of the environment, the sound, light, wind and movement.Budhdha did not move but Jagan sensed his presence. He drew a long breath. He knew he was in presence of a great Soul. Jagan controlled his reactions expertly not wanting to acknowledge presence of the great master. All his senses commanded him to rise and bow at the feet of the famous man, but he suppressed all that with remarkable restraint. The beast in him said ‘no, not so fast. He is another ordinary man. A deserter if there was one, a man who had deserted a wife and an infant son. How much power is required to walk out on a 6 month old. jagan was determined not to show any sign of weakness. According to him , these charlatans feed on our weaknesses and make a glorious tale out of mastering weak minds.
He continued to stare in front with out batting his eye lids..In this game the man who spoke first always lost. Budhdha could feel the tremendous energy radiating from Jagan and the animosity he was trying to suppress. He admired silently the enormous control the youngman displayed in totally ignoring his presence. He knew this gent will not talk first. He smiled and said to himself ’I have not come here to win a popularity contest. I have enormous patience because I am older. I will succeed because I am older and not because I am stronger. In control and power he beats me hands down and that is what makes this meeting important.
Just then the horse appeared from nowhere as though he was responding to a silent call from his master. Budhdha had heard about Jagan’s horse and here he was admiring it . How well they compliment one another ..The horse was tall and strong. He had amazingly clean skin , all white .The legs were strong and neck long.A horse for the long hauls .The mane was waving in air as the horse moved about.Budhdha thought he had found a perfect way to make Jagan talk
The horse was standing still sniffing the evening air and sensed the presence of the master in ochre coloured robe.,Budhdha Walked slowly towards the horse making sure that horse became aware of his smell. Getting close to the beast, he touched his long neck and gave a nice rubdown .The beast remained still seemingly enjoying the soft touch of the stranger and nice smell. Budhdha was satisfied that the horse would behave normally. He led the horse for a few steps and slapped its side as the horse began to move, He walked along and all of asudden jumped in air and leaped to the back of the horse expertly straddling him. He was as happy as a child that was allowed to get on horseback alone for the first time. He let go his hold on the mane of the horse and spread his hands and shouted happily.The Horse seemed to like the feel of his new master and galloped away merrily. Jagan did not at all like his horse being so friendly with the visitor.He willed the horse in his mind to stop suddenly , put up his front legs and dispatch the rider. A monk was not supposed to be able to ride a rogue horse and he could be so easily dislodged, if the horse wanted to. Jagan’s will did not matter to the horse and it went on to run in a gay manner and the man on top was able to control his moments, much to the chagrin of jealous jagan. Slowly a hatred towards the rider and the dis loyal horse began to burn in his heart. The master had settled nicely on the horse back and the horse picked up speed and very soon he was racing away. After what seemed to be eternity, they returned back to the water front,the horse slowed down and Budhdha jumped down in an athletic manner. He was smiling, enjoying himself, forgetting he was a monk who had given up all luxuries and entertainment.He made a comment ‘excellent horse, runs very well. I enjoyed the ride on his back.”He moved away from the horse all the time watching Jagan’s reaction. Jagan continued to sit with his arms folded in front . Then Jagan stood up reached forward and pulled the horse towards him,but the beast dodged him and moved slowly towards where Budhdha was standing.
Jagan was getting annoyed with the behaviour of his horse. He believed the horse was wild and only he could mount and ride it with out any trouble. So far who so ever tried to mount that horse , ended up with their backside rubbing the earth or their leg broken.But this monk had worked a magic. He believed the horse had betrayed him.He did not like to see the look of triumph that was lighting up Budhdha’s face. To add insult to injury the horse was now huddling close to him.
Budhdha held the horse by hand, rubbing his face with his own and gave a long kiss on the horses forehead.’yes, I like him very much, I think he will be a good addition to our ashram.If you will permit me, I will take him .’ Budhdha smiled, mischief in every line of his face. He knew he had reached the softest part of Jagan and Jagan was after all a human being with his own weakness. As a loner Jagan did not have many friends and he was definitely more attached to the horse than any body else
Jagan’s eyes were ablaze in anger.”you would not dare” He had broken the silence and allowed Budhdha to score a point over him
‘dare, did you say?’He was laughing aloud,’ so you can talk. Dare I shall, definitely’ Then he caught hold of the horse’s long ear said into that loudly, ‘come friend, we have along ride ahead of us. If we start now, we may reach the hermitage before it is too dark’
Jagan rose to the bait like a child to a candy held up close.
“that would amount to stealing. You are a saint and saints are supposed to uphold moral. You would not stoop so low as to steal a horse from its owner.”His was raised and in his efforts to stay calm , the voice shook. In a couple of long steps he was close to horse grabbing a handful of manes and pulled. The animal screamed in pain but held position.
“I would not call it stealing. why not let the animal decide if he would like to go with me or not”
‘they call you Budhdha the enlightened. Your conduct must be exemplary. The world should know about this. The great Budhdha is a petty horse thief.’ With brute force he separated horse from standing close to budhdha, putting himself between the beast and the monk.
‘’Not yet , “said Budhdha cheerfully. I am allowing the animal to decide , whether to go with me or stay back here with you. Every living being is free to decide his own fate. You can not call it stealing”
‘It very much , is. You are playing with words like all charlatans and cheap conmen. This animal belongs to me. You are attempting to steal it from me. I will protect and keep what is mine’
“How?” It was a diabolical question.
The answer came un thinkingly, ’ By punishing the thief’, his hand automatically reached for the garland .
“Punish me ? How” He knew the answer.
‘The same way I punished all those robbers who stole from innocent traders and people. By cutting off a thumb of the thief” He had taken the cutting knife from his waist band.
“You will surely. I have no doubt at all. Here is my hand , take the thumb if you can,” He thrust the hand in front of Jagan’s face almost touching his nose. In that posture was a terrific challenge.
Jagan grabbed the out stretched hand and twisted it violently making the monk spin. He now pressed his hand on his bent thigh and opened the palm on a near by stone.The soft pink palm with out stretched fingers looked like a tender lotus flower held in the palm of a brute. The cutting edge of the knife in contact with the thumb.
There was no emotion on budhdha’s face other than a dazzling smile as though saying go ahead.
Jagan tried very hard not to look at face while every cell in his body was urging him to look at that benign face. Jagan’s eyes were focussed on the thumb. He tightened his grip on the hand with one hand while other hand was ready to cut. His heart was racing and there was a very painful urge to cut off that damned finger. He had done so many times before. It was the simplest of things to do , just bear hard on the knife and the sharp edge would slice through with out fuss. But here his damned hand was still. Slyly he looked at the face of Budhdha, trying to see a trace of fear or confusion in those eyes.The eyes were wider than before and they were perfectly at peace.The face was clear. There were no wrinkles of any sort in anticipation of pain.
‘It will be very painful , you know’
“It does not matter . Go ahead.”
‘You will bleed to death’
It is okay.
He was trying to induce fear in the mind of Budhdha and the fear transfer effect failed. He had to try differently. Suddenly he lifted the knife away from the thumb , slashed the knife at his own wrist. A spurt of blood hit Budhdha’s face
“you are bleeding”
Does it matter to you that Iam bleeding
“Yes.It matters to me very much. I have taken a vow that I will not allow any animal or human being to be hurt in my presence. I can not allow you to hurt yourself just to prove that a body bleeds when it is cut. Iknow that. It does not make me any wiser.”
You are talking like an idiot , just to confuse me..You are a thief and I can not let you go un punished.
Determined to do as he said , he brought the knife edge in close contact with the flesh of the thumb.
Come on, one cut that is all there to it. Bear hard and shhh , the knife is sharp, it would do the rest
The shocked , painfilled screaming faces of scores of robbers danced in front of his eyes.
But , ah this gent, smile was still in place, but there was one line of worry slowly forming.
A DROP OF SWEAT FROM HIS FACE FELL ON THE THIN PINK THUMB.He bent low and flexed his hand muscles for the effort.
The horse moved suddenly with a loud neigh and pushed hard at Jagan’s chest.Jagan was thrown back and his hold on Budhdha’s hand was released, the knife fell softly on the ground.
Jagan’s anger peaked and he was wild shouting abuses at his horse for thwarting him.He screamed at the horse’ you are mine and he is taking you away.I can not allow you to go. You are mine . you are mine only. If you betray me now, i will kill you.

The horse did not understand. The shouting made him nervous. He moved towards Budhdha for comfort and that movement enraged Jagan. Like the proverbial madman , he lunged for the knife and moved to attack the horse. HE leaped towards the horse with a cry ‘you die now’ his hand over head ready to plunge the the knife point into the beast’s neck.
Budhdha moved faster. He knew he was not strong enough to stop jagan , so he brought himself between the horse and the wild man.The knife plunged deep into his shoulders and he fell with out a sound. There was a shudder in his body before it became inert. The horse staggered away by a few steps. Then it came close and stood over the body protectively.
Jagan looked at the body with blank eyes. He was confused ‘My God, what have I done? Have I finally become a killer after all? An agonising question came from a tortured soul that was just then coming to terms with himself.The blood was oozing from the edge of the knife still embedded in the shoulder muscle. A sudden sense of urgency made him jerk himself out of self pity and act to save the fallen monk. He bent down and lifted the inert body delicately in his massive arms and for a moment held it close to his chest .He could feel the feeble heart beat softly.He put the body across the back of the willing horse and stood quietly rubbing the horse’s neck.The animosity towards the horse had evaporated and he was expecting the beast to understand his inner most feeling. The beast put its muzzle close to him as though he was comforting his master.they walked a few steps to gether and then he allowed the horse to pick up speed after climbing over.with one hand holding the body he bent over the neck as he urged the horse to speed up to the ashram.

Chapter5
They saw the galloping horse from the distance.As it was coming close, they could make out the profile of the great figure of Angulimal. Terrified about the prospect of an attack, people began to run in confusion. Monks in the ashram heard the commotion and came out to have a look. They could now very clearly see Jagan astride his big horse and also the inert figure lying across the back of the horse,with the ochre robe fluttering in air like the flag atop of the chariot. The body was seemingly bobbing up and down as the horse moved at high speed..They feared the worst and began to prepare to receive the feared guest carrying their revered master.Jagan brought the speeding horse to a rude stop and jumped down .The body looked terribly pale, blood was still dripping drop by drop from the wounded shoulder.The eyes were closed and chest was barely moving. Jagan dragged the body with out any finesse and put it across his massive shoulder. He said aloud for every body to hear ’I have killed your master, where should I put him down”.With out waiting for an answer, he marched through the gates to the main hall.There was a white dhurry spread in the centre of the hall and he put the inert form of Budhdha on the sheet..
The monks ran around him and stood around the body. An elderly monk sat and felt the pulse and put his ear close to the chest and remarked’He is barely alive, breathing is shallow but regular.bring hot water, cotton and pads and bring the medicine chest. Brew some hot milk, he needs some nourishment. Another monk asked Jagan to step out of the hall while the master was being attended to. With out a word, Jagan stepped out and found a seat for himself. He sat down to consider what he had done.
In side the hall expert hands drew the knife out of the flesh, stopped the leakage of blood and quick bandage was tied along with the cottonpads to hold the shoulder still. The eyes opened to see a set of anxious looking monks standing around him. The flash of the famous smile brought a great sigh of relief and they all smiled back. The elderly monk who had attended to the wound,asked softly.”how do you feel now , master?”.
You are a magician,thank you , I feel strong again.What did you mix in that milk/It tasted some thing heavenly”
The strong voice and the light banter made the desciples very happy.
Budhdha asked ‘where is he?How did he react?”
‘He is waiting in the hall.Thinks he has killed you. He is carrying a big load in his mind. Shall I bring him over?”
No, not now. You all go out with a sullen face and one of you tell him that I am really dead now. Send him in now.’
The monks walked out one by one with head held low and tragic look in the eyes. Some of the monks looked angry and glared at him as though Jagan had committed a very heinous crime. Jagan cringed under the black looks, but kept his head high, not wanting to be weak in front of the monks. He took deep breaths to steady himself, pushed the doors open and walked into the hall towards the white sheet. He wanted to put his head at His feet and seek his forgiveness. He had expected to see the lying form of Budhdha and the white sheet stared at him. Budhdha was not there.He was confused. He looked around the hall and saw him leaning on the far wall away from the glaring sun streaming in through the window. .He hurried to His side and held the tender hands’They said , you were dead”
‘How can I die , jagan, when my work is not finished?’
Jagan was on his knees , his hands clasped tight, almost bowing at His feet.
“”It is not so easy to kill me, you know. Many have tried and I am still here , for you.’
He reached and held jagan’s hands and slowly pulled him up and embraced him.The ugly garland was crushed between two warm bodies. Jagan put his head on the un hurt shoulder .The warm contact some how reminded jagan of his long lost mother. He felt very secure in that hold and his fears were disappearing. A shiver ran down his spine and he burst out sobbing like a child and cried a’ beast I am a beast’ Then he steadied himself and assumed his dignified role regretting a moment of weakness that had gained control over his mind.
He regained his voice again ’I am sure relieved. I did not want your death on my conscience .”
‘You have a conscience that you wish to keep so clean.Then , Jagan, this memento that you are carrying around your neck , what is that?’
That is a symbol of deterrent that I want maintained.
‘Deterrent against what?
Evil
‘How do you recognise evil, Jagan?’
Why are you asking me such questions. You must be very tired, you must rest. Now that you are well, I have no more inclination to discuss things with you. I will go now.
‘No, Not so fast, Jagan. I am just getting to know you. Can’t you give me some time?’
Time, I can give.It is the questions that I despise.
‘Oh, why?what is that you despise in my questions?’
The ownership of the moral platform that you climb to pass judgement on others action. You wish to probe areas that you have’nt dared to tread.
‘I am listening to you.’
Jagan did not oblige him by continuing to talk. Budhdha was not to be put off , so easily.
JAGAN WAS ITCHING TO WALK OUT ,but some unknown force made him stay put.
‘What is that I dare not probe? I have spent a life time probing things I did not understand. For some questions, I found some answers. There are still many points to be clarified, I was hoping you will explain. You have been to the university and you must have learnt many things that I have missed .You speak with such authority and assertiveness. You must be able to justify any and all of your actions, so what are you running away from ? ‘
I was running away once upon a time. But one day I stood up and made a stand. After that there was no need to run. So your reading is wrong , sir.I am not running from any thing.
BUDHDHA WAS STUMPED.He wanted to resume talk about the garland and did not know how he could lead the subject back to it.
‘You are running away from me. You simply can not wait to run away .It appears that I am that evil you were talking about”
Jagan chose not to react, making things more difficult for the monk to continue talking about the subject. Jagan turned to walk away .He thought he had had the last word and his face was alive with triumph and Budhdha did not miss noticing that.So his next statement was totally un expected that it threw Jagan.
‘Okay, Jagan.You can go. But do me a favour. On the way out, just throw that vile garland away.’
Jagan cought the bait hook, line and sinker.
Why should I discard anything?
‘Because it does not become you, the true you’
You do not understand. This garland is not vile as you describe it..I t is a reminder for my soul that I shall not turn a blind eye when an atrocity is being committed.This garland represents my sacred resolve to offer protection to the weak, to the innocent who can not fight back. Every thumb I carry, is some thing that perpetrator of evil act, will be missing every day of his life and will hold him back from repeating the act that had cost him some thing important to him in the first place. This garland, I dare say, has stopped more killings and robberies than all the words of preaching that you are famous for.
Budhdha clapped his hands and his shoulder hurt him and he vinced.
‘Well said, son. Some body cuts a throat, you call that evil. Another person cuts off a thumb, you want him to be made a hero.which moral platform gives you that leeway? , jagan , answer me.’
Cutting a throat ends a life.Killing is not my forte.
“But you came very close to killing your own dear horse and in the process you almost finished me off”
Yes, I felt betrayed by the horse, when it allowed you to ride and it appeared to me that you were trying to steal some thing that belonged to me.
‘But the fact remains that in the end I was to die. If I had died, where would that have left you. Can you spare a thought to that Jagan?’
Jagan was silent.
‘would you not have committed a crime and would that not attract a punishment by your own standards?’
I was blind with rage. I was very much attached to the horse.
‘Are you justifying a crime and asking to be condoned just because no body died this time..I am not climbing any moral platform but would like to point out what could have happened, if I was not so lucky to have escaped being murdered by you in cold blood.’
That thought had passed through my mind many times. If you had died ,I would have punished myself some how.
‘how?’
I DON’T KNOW.But I would have punished myself , possibly ,killing myself. I have a clear conscience.
‘THANK God , nothing like that happened. But now I want to usurp that moral platform and pass a judgement for a crime that has not happened but almost did. I have always maintained that too much commitment to anything is always dangerous. A great deal of moderation is required in all our actions. You showed too much commitment, always, even when you were running and when you made a stand swinging between extremes and now you will suffer the consequences.will you accept the punishment like a man’
‘Budhdha did not pause to state the punishment because , he had no authority
He continued ’It was a great day for this world when you stopped running and made a stand. It brought you into the society and you started seeing the atrocities and decided to do some thing about it. That was also exemplary.But when you wanted acknowledgement for every action against the criminals , in the form of garland of thumbs and justified flaunting it , it was too much to be ignored. It showed the mind that was on the edge of sickness. I want to save you from that sickness because, this world needs every man who feels for his fellow man. That sickness would have made every man on this earth, fear you and despise you. Is that what you wanted at the end of it ?tell me , Jagan, do you want people to fear you and hate you?’
Jagan stood still, absorbing the essence of outburst from the man , they all had called the Budhdha.His vast intellect told him it was true , he was on the brink of that sickness, too proud of what he did and had done.Pride is what leads to a fall.He was being saved just before he fell.
His head bowed a little. Budhdha continued,’Iam waiting, Jagan, you owe me an answer.’
Yes Sir, I am here to accept what ever punishment you are about to pass”
Jagan, it is going to be a punishment, a terrible one at that. There are two parts to it the first part is momentous and the other one life long
Do you want to hear it, jagan?’
I am waiting
Out in the compound of this ashram , there is afire pit.You will go there and drop your garland in the fire pit.you will come to me after discarding your garland to receive the second sentence
Jagan walked to the fire pit and sat close to that. Slowly with great dignity, he removed the garland with both his hands and dropped it into the pit .The flames leapt to receive the offering.
A monk brought a bucket full of cold water and poured it on the bowed head.The pride was washed away.
He got up and tuned toward the ashram to receive his second sentence. At that moment jagan died and Ahimsika was born.He remained with the great man till he died.

sujatha

Sujatha
She walked hand in hand with her husband Govardhan,in the early morning sun on the dusty road leading to the water front.In the distance, she could see the serene water of Ganga flowing softly.Fora big girl she had very light steps and she seemed to be gracefully gliding along while Govardhan was lumbering at her side like a tame bull.There was a permanent smile on his face and proximity to sujatha was all that he cared for present.They reached the banks and could see the ganges from close by at a depth of around ten feet from the road level.There was a flight of steps paved with roughly cut granite stones.The steps were broad and a man could sit comfortably.Govardhan sat on the top step while Sujatha ran down the steps to the water like a child in early teens. She loved to swim in the pleasantly cool waters of the river
Sujatha surveyed the crowd and selected for herself secluded part, where a few girls were having fun together.As she was getting ready to take her plunge, she saw that old lady sitting on the steps with her old legs fully stretched in front of her..On those legs was lying a child face down, being smeared with scented oil. The baby tried to lift his head to look around only to see the old lady push him down keeping a continuous chatter and giving the child a vigorous rubbing down. Standing near by was a young mother with dry clothes on her shoulder. There was a wooden bucket near her feet and she was poring water over the baby ‘s back, giving her child a bath in old fashioned way. From where sujatha stood she could see the child and smell of the jasmine that was mixed with oil. The old lady finished the bath and pulled up the child over her head and gave him a resounding kiss with her tooth less mouth and slapped the buttocks play fully. The childs fair skin was now glowing .She extended the child towards the young mother who grabbed it , quickly wrapping dry clothes around the child, who was squeeling delightfully making the young mother smile contentedly.
Just as she was ready to climb up the steps to go home with her child,she was horrified to seea group of young boys running down the steps chasing one another trying for a running dive into the waters. One careless boy running blindly slammed into the young mother.Her legs went up in air and the child was tossed up,She screamed helplessly watching the child flying in a slow arc towards the water.Excited shouts of watch out filled air
Sujatha moved.Her strong legs carried her swiftly to the spot where she expected the child to land and smartly caught him.The baby was heavy and it jarred her shoulders as she caught him , but she held on maintaining her balance.The child squeeled again and sujatha put him on her shoulder and watched with a smile as he slipped slowly to her chest. The press of the child against her breast sent ecstatic vibration through her body mesmerising her into a strange contented mood she had longed many times before but could never experience. The young mother was running towards ner with relief written large on her shining face. Her hands were extended in front.Coming closer to Sujatha , she said softly, “thank you dear , you saved my baby”Sujatha did not seem to hear anything. She was in a different world altogether swaying slowly and rocking the baby softly. The baby seemed to be enjoying the cosy comfort of her hold and contact with her warm body.The young mother repeated ‘can i have my child back please. You saved my child .Thank you.”Sujatha jerked herself back to reality, smiling and allowed the young mother to pluck the child from her hold.As the contact broke sujatha felt some thing tear in her heart and felt a hither to unknown feeling of tremendous hurt,which she hastily tried to hide..The mother turned to walk away from her and sujatha could see the child laugh softly. The mother seemed to remember some thing , she paused and hurried back to where sujatha was still standing. She undid the clasp of her string of pearls from her neck and thrust it in the fist of a dazed sujatha,’KEEP THIS AS A TOKEN OF MY GRATITUDE” She turned to walkaway. Sujatha ran to her saying no , no.The mother waited, Sujatha put the pearls around the neck of the baby and said “see how beautiful the pearls look around his neck”.The mother bowed her head and walked away.Sujatha was over come with emotion.She broke away and walked to where govardhan was waiting.She buried her head in his broad sholders weeping un controlled.He was patiently patting her.There was a lump in his throat.He understood why she was crying.She looked into his wet eyes and asked between sobs,’why cant we have a child like that. It is so unfair”
He muttered with head down ‘He has not blessed us yet’
But the astrologers had assured us that I will become a famous mother
.It will come true. Have faith
When ,dear?
A question for which he could give no answer
All that he said was ”it is His will that will prevail.
Then wanting to change the subject, he said ’you were indeed very good.You saved that baby while every one stood stunned.You moved so fast and held that child.It was a thrilling sight.’
Sujatha smiled.Yes I was lucky
They finished their bath.On theirwalk back they did not talk much.Each was busy with his and her own thoughts. The child occupied their mind.
 
Chapter2
They sat around him in a tight circle,talking in muted tones.There was concern on their faces and urgency in their actions.Their master has been inert for over two weeks.They tried to feed but the food would not stay downand the body in afit of violent convulsions would through the food out, in a very sickening manner.Fever was raging and traditional methods and medicines failed to redeem a very deteriorating situation.They decided they should seek outside help.
They were all new to the place.People viewed them with suspicionTheir master was seen to be propagating new ideas,which was new to many.To be caught in anew place with out friends was anew experience for many of them.They decided to go into the city to seek help.
They had starteda new movement founded on the basic principles of tolerance and non violence.,two major facets of personal characters,which did not fit in the existing mindset of people.This was threatening to tear the fabric of harmonious society.Their utterings were not new but something people had forgotten as they prospered.Their master had succeeded gaining acceptance for his thoughts among many,slowly at first and then with increasing numbers as he travelled along.His work must continue. For that he should live.
The monks were moving from house to house making enquiries.They said they were looking for a vaid.Their master was sick and needed urgent attention bya vaid. Could anybody help.?
The master had gone into a trance and had starved himself for long. He was now very very sick. He could not keep any food. He needed help
Some one on the ground mentioned the name of Govardhan.’PLEASE GO TO HIM. HE HAS MAGIC IN HIS HANDS. There is nothing he can not cure.He will surely help.He is a very kind man.He will surely help.’
The monks moved fast towards the house pointed by the people, with their robes flying. It was a non descript thatched house. They had prayer in their mind and knocked on the door with hope
It seemed to take a long time before the door opened. Their stood a woman. Big size and large kind eyesThey could see extraordinary depth in those dark eyes.Those eyes threw a question,what do you want?
We have come to take Govardhan with usOur master is seriously ill. They said that govardhan can cure every thing. Please, is he inside?Can you call him out please?
There was passion in their voice. She sensed their urgency
Madam , please hurry He is already sinking
Sujatha shook her head She could not help them Govardhan had gone to the forests in the hills to collect a fresh stock of herbs required for his trade. Could their master hold on for some time
They groaned , their anguish and helplessness over powering them
Who is your master?
. He is the Budhdha , the Enlightened one.
Are you referring to Gauthama,who preaches the middle path.The one who defeated Mara.
Yesy ,Yes they replied.They were impatient
Then take me to him.
They stared at her. What was she saying?was she a medicine woman. Could she cure their master. A thousand questions seemed to stand up in air,
“in good time, sure’, they were desperately trying to be polite’please tell us .Do you know anything about medicine?’
No, but the astrologers had mentioned that he would bless to become a great mother.I must go to Him . tell me where is he presently?
The monks could not hold back their anger.
She said in an assertive manner’ you go to the hills and locate Govardhan. I WILL GO TO YOUR MASTER AND SEE HOW HE WILL HELP ME.
The monks pointed to the north. He is resting there
She rushed out. New thoughts were rushing in to her mind as she recalled the words of the famous astrologer..Her obsession was about attaining the mother hood, which life had so far been out of her reach.”You will become a mother.You will be declared as a mother who saved a great man.
Is the great man mentioned by her astrologer this famous Budhdha.
She tried to remember all that she had heard about Budhdha and his beliefs.He spoke a language that was new to many.The subject was as old as this earth but he have different meaningsHe did not say every thing was bad.He did not speak about God.He said so much has to be learnt about man first , before knowing about God.He said simple things that applied to life like love, kindness, compassion,desires, hunger, frustrations, compulsions etc,
He related miseries to desires,pain to indulgence.He said frustrations rose from denials.Denials was rooted in misconceived compulsions.Common folk could identify these to their own actions and lack of actions in life.There was nothing abstract in these facets of life.There was no escapism in his thesis
He did not preach abstaining as compulsion. He did not deny right to enjoy.He wanted only limis to be decided by an individual based on his capacity to deal with consequences which was essentially filled with pain.He did not say that every one must shave his head. Nor did he prescribe ochre robes for every one.
Sujatha and Govardhan had discussed these points several times and she believed she could argue this matter with Budhdha himself if she were to come face to face.Now is the chance. But Iam deviating .Iam more bothered presently about the motherhood. She could still feel the weight of the child she held in her hand at the riverside.
How can he help. He is not a miracle man.In fact he was the man who ran away from life leaving behind a young wife and an infant.
But she had to go to him as she began to believe that her motherhood was pre ordained and he had to deliver.
She ran
Sujatha ran like she had never ran before.
Her great heart pounding , the long limbs carrying her swiftly.
She ran with anew found strength. She carried a great hope.
She felt her breasts swell up at the very thought that her great moment had arrived. If the wise astrologers were true, here was the time for attaining the long cherished motherhood
As she ran into the hermitage , she was breathless. Where is he? she screamed. The monks turned in horror , who is this girl in a place where no woman was allowed. She saw the hut in the corner and amonk was coming out holding a pail
Was Gauthama lying there?
She rushed in , like a tornado, her large breasts heaving with effort.She closed the door with her foot.
Ther he was lying on a white cloth.His normally shining face was pale.His lotus eyes were closed.There was no hair on his head. The ears were long and drooping, with a big hole, pointing out to emptiness of life..The wind was moving very slowly. His chest was still
She looked at him.Doubts flooding her mind She walked around him looking for some sign of life in that inert body .As she stared at him . with blank look, she found that some strange forces were gaining control of her bodyShe was seeing things differently . She did not see a grown man there anywhere. All she saw was a very weak child lying helpless in high fever and pulse running down every moment That morning she had held a healthy child to her bosom This baby was weak and delicate. She sat at his head and very slowly lifted him up and put him against her strong shoulder. A shudder went through her bodyThere was new strength.She put the body on her lap holding his head close to her chest. She knew what she had to do. The mother in her mind surfaced
She did what she wanted to with out a thought .like a mother would
She knew she was already a mother.
The astrologers were indeed very right. She held him close. She saw him responding slowly
There was absolute calm around her. She sat there foran hour. Softly she lowered him Rubbed the face and then stood up. In a daze , she opened the door and walked up. Her held highGovardhan would be happy now.

The monks rushed inside. They saw the master lying peacefully on the soft white cloth as he was before. But there was a glow in his face. The fever was gone. The monks looked around the room. In the corner , there was wooden cup, with remains of trace of milk
There master was alive. Saved by the milk given by that woman. THEY WANTED TO TALK TO HER. They rushed out. She had gone
Next morning he was up early.He said “Find her please. Find my mother.Ihave a great deal to thank her for . please find her”
Sujatha had become a mother
A famous mother. She smiled

Budhdha parting

He stood there in a pensive mood ,right under the portals of the main gate of the capital city of Kapilavastu .It was ages since he had left the precincts of the city with a burning desire to find answers to several questions that had bothered him so much.Today as some one , who, many people believed, had attained enlightenment and acquired wide following for his beliefs,he was back at his city of birth.What brought him back he was not very sure.Was it the repeated and passionate requests of an aging king and father or some other force which he could not resist , he did not know.A smile lit up his face as he remembered the conversation he had with Vasuki whom he had met in one of his meetings at Gaya.He clearly remembered the sense of shock and regret,that rose up in his heart when he saw her .Till that moment he had never thought about his past.She stood there head bowed and hands folded in front with reverence, but her eyes had given her away.She was not the docile servile maid servant of the palace, but an angry volcano ready to explode and submerge poor Gautama in the flow of red hot lava. Gautama felt the anger and understood her feelings as she was very close confident of Yashodhara. She had never forgiven him for deserting her lady’s side. Gautama allowed her to speak and she went on and on ’Today , I see a very different Gautama , my lord. I see a stranger being worshipped by people who have lost their moorings in life..In your proximity , they seem to be enjoying their situation in life. They hear you talk about life and sufferings and admire you as a sage. What do they see in the words of some one, who had failed to see life through and walked away from life leaving others to suffer. I do not understand , my lord, do you?’ She did not wait for any answer, as it was not a question but a challenge. She continued, “My lady is still waiting, my lord. With her there is young Rahul, who is asking questions we can not answer. Before he passes his judgement on you , you must meet up with him. Let him not judge you on basis of what his mother told him. He is very wise and he can talk
You owe him an explanation”
Vasuki, my dear girl , you have been always forthright in your utterances. You have not said a word about your lady but conveyed a thousand accusations. You know I really have no need to explain my actions to any one , you know. My life is like an open book. A LOOK AT ME WILL TELL YOU ALL YOU WANT TO KNOW. About Rahul , am I not happy that he is at the side of his mother. I know there is pain all over.The pain hurts everyone alike.It is the mind that changes the degree of pain.
Vasuki screamed ,”I have not come to this place all the way from the capital city to hear your sermon. Let it serve any useful purpose to those whose brains have been scrambled. I came here to tell you that you have some unfinished business at the palace. you must visit us there .you must visit us there.”There were tears in her large shapely eyes and in those eyes Gautama saw young rahul and yashodhara.
A long suppressed flame in his heart jumped as though some one had rekindled it .Gautama woke up with a start. He was standing all alone. Vasuki had gone long back, leaving him with a miserable feeling as though he had committed blasphemy.
He shook his head. He said “pain cleanses the soul.Had he not felt the pain so intensely , he would not have ventured out on a quest and a long journey to find a salve to eradicate the pain.Vasuki belonged to a school who believed that pain is self inflicted. Finding solution to pain is likely to make this earth sterile. With out pain , there wont be creation, there wont be any life. Pain is the fountain head for life and only a fool will look for ways to mitigate pain, and destroy all that creates life. That is what Vasuki is accusing me of” He had to change that impression. He could not wait to visit his capital city. He started on his long trek all alone leaving behind qll his disciples. He walked on and on , on different terrains braving different climes and on a very cold day he was standing at the gates of the great city.


Chapter2
The old king jumped from his seat, ”what ,has he really come here? At last he could hear his old father’s pleadings. how fortunate I am? My prince has come back .This land is blessed. I am indeed blessed. They told me long back that this son would bring glory to my people. It is coming true.He has Come back.” The king was ecstatic. He ordered his ministers to gather and accompany him to receive the prodigal son. He ordered that the streets be cleaned and washed. Sprinkle flowers and scents on the streets. Let him not see a single worried face on the way. Take the best chariot and fasten the fastest horses. Let us bring the prince back in style, he roared.
Sudhdhodhana, was excited. He wanted to make sure that this time the prince will not go back again.His kingdom wanted a new king and the prince had arrived. How to hold him back was the question that frightened him. Only one person could hold him back That person was dear yashodhara.He must invite his beloved daughter in law to receive the prince.He briskly walked towards her chambers to invite her to join the wel come party
He found her dressed in her finest clothes. she had put on all her jewellery. Obviously the word of arrival of the prince had reached her first and here she was already to wel come him back. He was happy for her. Happy that her cloistered life was coming to an end. and new life was beckoning her showing a new way to glory. She would be most beautiful and dignified queen She stood up, as he stepped inside her chambers and touched his feet with her head as mark of great respect. She stood silently and king thought he saw a trace of confusion in her charming face. He wanted her to smile and be cheerful . Every thing depended on how she played her part in making the prince stay back in the palace. He said softly, “My dear , our days of waiting and prayers are over.Our prayers have not gone waste. The prince has come back. What a glorious day this is. He is waiting at the gate. Come let us bring our prince back.”She did not stir. Softly she asked ”which Prince sir?”
The old king reacted with a shock,’WHAT DEAR, HAVE’NT YOU HEARD THAT OUR DEAR Gautama is back . I know he had hurt you tremendously. Forgive him dear.He has Come back , that is most important. He will make up for all the pains he gave all of us. come on dear. Let us not keep him waiting.
She said boldly , “father, I am not going with you. Please leave me alone’
Why dear, why are you so apprehensive? You have it in you to hold him back. The love that you and dear rahul will shower on him will help in holding him back. The tears and pleadings of this old father will hold him back. This kingdom needs him, the people of this city need him . he can not disappoint so many people. Like the clouds clearing the face of the moon the dark phase of our life is over . come dear , He is waiting.
Yasho was firm.”Father, the person waiting at the gates of our capital city is not your son , the prince gautam .He is not my husband, nor is he father of my son Rahul. That man there , is a total stranger. You wont even recognise him. Father , I am sorry to shatter your hopes. We lost him long back. We lost him the day he climbed out of my bed and crossed the portals of the palace.Father I beg of you. Do not make it too difficult for yourself.He has not come back here to please you or me.He has suddenly remembered that he did not do properly when he left here first time. He has come here to cover a mistake. He has come here again to say good bye properly” There were tears in her eyes. She had great difficulty controlling her voice. She wanted to be strong . Her body shook in emotion . The old king was left speechless.
‘Father , do you know some thing? His head is not covered with bejewelled crown. His head is no more covered with curls of silky hair. His head is shaven and bald. His pierced ears are not adorned by diamonds but are hanging loose, bare with gaping holes like the roof of a ravaged house.He does not fancy silken clothes. His feverish emaciated body is covered partly with an ochre robe.
He speaks father,yes, he speaks in a strange tongue which you and I never learnt in any school. His words have strange meanings that i find difficult to decipher. Father , he is not your son any more. He stopped being my husband long ago.He is not one of us any more. He surely is not as lonely as you and I are. He has got his people around him all the time, hordes of them, there is no need to think about us They call him a Sakhya Muni and you want to bring him here? “
Suddhodhana stared at his daughter in law with disbelief written all over his face. What is she talking about? Has the long separation un hinged her brain? He wanted to hold her hand and comfort her.”Dear , you must not speak like this. Things will change , See he has come back , let us hold him back , come ,dear gather yourself and step up smartly. Do not despair”
NO , she shouted almost . She turned and pointed towards her grand bedroom. The bed was covered with finest silk and cushions.” I have not slept on that bed for fourteen long years .He left me there alone , with my child with out even a word of leave taking..If you really want me to receive him , I will do so , only if he steps into that room as prince Gauthama , not other wise” She closed her mouth tightly to prevent herself from crying out aloud and walked away from the old and now shattered king.
The king heard those words of anguish and pain and shattered hopes. The words of an immature woman , he thought, words of a woman scorned Slowly a doubt began to gnaw at his vitals as he began to question the motives behind his son’s sudden appearance at the gates of his city after a long hiatus. He could not bear to see his daughter in law in such a distraught plight. Was Gauthama, his son responsible for this state of his dear yasho. slowly the love for his son began to waver replaced by doubts and apprehensions un known. Yasho had struggled to bring her life back into some order after the turmoil immediately after the separation. Now the sudden appearance of her husband must have disturbed her somehow. Why did he come back and create all this confusion , the old king asked himself in a tired manner. With bowed head and stray thoughts , the king walked out to join his ministers who were waiting for him. They made their way to the main gates of the city. The king wanted to ask his son “what do you want now?”He was very angry.
All his anger disappeared once he set his eyes on his son. The shining fair skin was gone replaced by dark and wrinkled skin. The ears seemed too long and ugly with out the diamond studded ear rings. The shaved head bothered him. The ochre robe was torn in several places. His limbs seemed too thin and he looked totally emaciated. ’is this my son , ‘he asked himself in total dis belief.
Gauthama stood tall and erect, with his hands folded.He made no attempt to start any conversation.He did not wish to impose a relationship which he had forsaken long time back.He reminded himself that the attachment was one thing he must gaurd against to avoid suffering. He saw his aging father struggling for words.He smiled and asked in a barely audible voice “Are you well , our dear king.Can you please permit me to visit your great city” Slowly people were gathering around them. Sudhdhodhana said with feeling “It pains me that you should address me , such a distant manner. Is that what you call enlightenment. Can there be any belief or way of life that will build a chasm of disaffection between father and son. You seem to have weird thoughts cramping your brain , my son. Now to answer your request, for visiting this city , you are welcome, yes you are welcome here. This city belongs to you as much as it belongs to all those who reside here.You can enter this city and be blessed. This is the city of “Sakhyas” the capable.
“Thank you , Sir , you are indeed very kind and I am indeed blessed to step inside this city again.” ‘The people surrounded him with shouts of ’welcome , Budhdha, the lion of sakhyas’ An elderly man appealed to Gauthama to address the people. Gauthama said in soft tones ”I am experiencing a new thrill as I step on the soil of place of my birth and facing the people to whom I belong..This city has inspired me to think about the people and to serve peoples cause , however lofty or humble they may be. People always ask me what is that I have learned new and what is new in life. Life is as old as creation and as fresh as just blossomed flower. Just as the flower maintains its beauty, fragrance and its usefulness for a few moments of a day, , so does life , for a few fleeting moments of glory for an individual. The difference between man and the flower is only the scale factor of time..A day of the flower is equal in measure to few more months or years for the man. Both disappear or cast away once basic purpose has been served. What is the purpose served by the flower? We place him at the feet of our gods if we believe in one or use it to decorate some ones head, to enhance its beauty. The purpose it serves is not decided by the flower. It has no such ability. But man is different. At every moment of his life man is faced with options..If he uses his options to conserve himself , then he lasts for a long time. On the other hand if he uses his options for over indulgence, he wastes himself away more quickly. I wish to advocate to all of you only this simple truth. Adapt moderation in all your activities and you will enjoy fruits of your labour over longer period of life. If not you will fall prey to sickness , lethargy and sufferings lot sooner than you imagined.
People applauded when he stopped. There was no mention of god in his brief talk. He did not try to impose on these people any particular dogma. He simply presented a fact of life and hoped people would draw their own conclusions on the contents of his talk.
Sudhdhodhana was not impressed. He expected some thing more dramatic from one who was hailed to have “realised” and attained what was glorified as “Nirvana” .He was in no mood to argue. He was more keen on dragging the prince over to the palace fast where they could discuss life with out any hindrance.
Gauthama climbed on to the chariot and his old father followed him. The horses were whipped to a fast run up to the palace. The ladies of the royal household were standing outside with traditional aarthi plates and dhiyas to welcome home the prince. Gauthama had all along shunned all sorts of rituals, but today he was more keen on making his hosts happy than being dogmatic about his own beliefs. They washed his feet and gave him milk to drink and some fruits to eat. Some one extended a silver tray containing new set of clothes, which he declined. His eyes probed the crowd looking for Rahul and Yasho. He could not see them. But his eyes found vasuki and he waved to her with a smile. She smiled back and a word of thanks came out softly from her trembling lips. She was happy he remembered her request. She turned and ran inside the palace towards her lady’s chambers.

Chapter3
Yashodhara saw Vasuki running in. Her face was flushed with excitement. In between gasps she said ‘ Devi , The Prince has arrived. I just saw him in the royal court yard. I am sure he is coming here to visit you”
Visit me ? For what dear? There is nothing left here for him to visit. He has changed Vasuki . For him , we simply do not exist
‘No Devi , you must not say such things. It just is not right .He has come and he will visit He has to explain to you’
Explain what ,
‘Devi , I met him at Gaya, where he was addressing a congregation. I happened to be there , by chance and I spoke to him about you and young Rahul. I was angry with him for walking out on you. I called him names. I told him that he has unfinished business with you and that he should visit you. You must allow him to visit you and explain .
Explain what?
How dare you did such a daft thing Vasuki. You told him and he has come. Is that what you believe ? If he has come , it must be to finish off the relationship once for all. Is that what you wanted to happen to me , Vasuki
Vasuki was staggered. Such a possibility never occurred to her innocent mind.Aperson has always lived on hope. The thought that one day he would come back can sustain a lifetime of separation. With tears racing down her face Vasuki murmured ”Devi , I honestly did not think that it would work out all wrong”
Yashodhara felt pity for her friend. She hugged her and said consolingly ‘never mind. Let us see what he has to say’.
Vasuki was called to the king’s chambers, where the prince and the old king were in a discussion .She knocked and was allowed to enter. King told Vasuki that she should convey to Devi Yashodhara that the king and the prince would like her to join them in a discussion prior to dinner. Vasuki rushed back to Yashodhara with the king’s message and express wish. Yashodhara stood up and answered.’Vasuki, the king knows very well that I have no wish at all to meet with the prince.
If the prince wishes to see me he can visit my personal room alone. Rahul and I will wait for him there.”VASUKI SIMPLY STOOD THERE SOMEWHST CONFUSED. Yashodhara told her , “look here Vasuki ,the king knows very well how I feel towards the Prince. Relationship between me and the Prince has not changed any way from my side. He chose to break it by deserting my side .He can always comeback to reclaim the relationship if he so desires. But from my side, I shall not take any initiative.”She was strong and very assertive. Vasuki returned to the king’s chambers with yashodhara’s message. The king dismissed her with out a word. Gauthama stood up and said ‘I shall go to her, after our meals.
They had their dinner in silence. Gauthama avoided all delicacies prepared in his honour and was satisfied with two roti’s and some dal , frugal by any standards. The king pushed away his silver plate laden with sweets in disgust and stood up to indicate that he was finished with his dinner. Gauthama stood up and slowly moved out of the room alone.


Chapter4
He stood outside Yasho’s chamber. The door was wide open. He could see inside the room where yasho and young Rahul were together. Yasho was squatting on the ground while Rahul was standing close by. They were hoping that he would rush in and reach for them. He stepped inside the room. Yasho pointed a finger at him and said to Rahul ”Look son , here is your Sire, you possibly have only a very vague memory of how he used to look before , so you may not show any shock at his present appearance.He walked out of our life to save the three worlds. People call him the Enlightened and Budhdha the preacher, who destroyed Mara, the epitome of all that was evil that ever corrupts a man. He is the light that drove away the curse of ignorance and taught the world the eightfold path. Go to him , my son and touch his feet and seek his blessings. I do not know , when you will get another opportunity, as i fear your Sire has no intention of staying with us for long.
Young Rahul walked upto Gauthama , with slow measured steps, went down on his knees and touched his feet with two hands and rubbed his head with his hands. Then he bent down and kissed his fathers feet and a tear dropped. Gauthama jumped back as though a red hot coal piece was kept on his feet. Rahul asked ”Sir , can you take me with you? I hear that you have thousands of followers, treading the path shown by you , so one more follower may not make a big difference.”
‘No son , I wont say that you should not follow my path. You are still very young to make such decisions. Further , you have your own station in life that has been pre ordered for you and you have to prepare yourself for that station , by learning from worthy teachers appointed by your mother..When you grow up your full manhood with knowledge of the learning absorbed by you ,then possibly you will take a decision , but not now.’
“Father , what is the middle path about which whole world seems to be talking about”
‘Son , I have not come here to preach. Yet when you ask a question ,I can not remain silent. That is avoiding an action when needed. I am concerned about actions that we take and thought processes associated with those actions. The thought process swings between two extremes. In one extreme, there is excess of energy, intense commitments and severe pressures of compulsions. In the other extreme also there is excess of energy of different kind steeped in base thoughts, perversions, shirking of responsibilities and fear of consequences..In one extreme you act brutally and in the other you act foolishly. In both cases , you are doomed to fail, because these actions only add to miseries as you do not always gain what you set out to achieve , through these actions..Hence I advocate a middle path that is based on proper understanding of issues involved, a thought process based on moderation rather than extremism that inspires actions applying right values, efforts and commitment. I am against impulsive actions..I advise moderation even in simple acts like feeding , enjoyment of pleasure etc.’
‘Sir , are you the first one to state this middle path.”
‘No son , I am not the first one. These thoughts have been said before, but actions had become second maiden to rituals and emphasis on rituals robbed the actions of their orientation leading to extremism , which i oppose. I could get to know of the middle path only when i left my sphere of zone of comforts, which included institution of life , marriages and luxury.’
“Sir , when you left this place first time , did you act on impulse”
‘No son , I did not act on impulse. I took my own time. I really tried to look for my solutions staying in the comfort zone and when it became evident that solution was outside , i decided and after that only i acted.’
‘Was it really called for, sir?”
‘yes and no, son. I found it difficult to understand certain aspects of life as long as I remained attached to the palace and its attached values. My perceptions were dim and impacts dull and shallow. It is only when you punish your body to extremes of sufferings that you perceive many aspects of life .My mind came uncluttered only when i detached myself from life’
“What did you find out , sir , for which you have received so much adulation”
‘Again nothing son. I found out , no, I should not use that word . It just dawned on me , when I kept questioning myself severely that over indulgence in pleasure, passion, desire is the root cause for all human sufferings, diseases and un happiness.’‘
‘SIR, IS LOVING SOME ONE DEARLY A SIN , IN YOUR BELIEF?”
‘No son, I am not against love. I have many meanings for the word love in my mind. I like to keep all of them separate instead of lumping all of them together. Every love is sacred and pure. Love brings about compassion which in turn directs kindness and kindly actions. Only actions born out of compassion and kindness result in happiness. When the same action is executed out of passion and compulsion leads to misery.’
“A man kills a cow to eat its flesh. You say killing is not a kind act and you are against killing. Would you like to see the man go hungry and suffer because he can not kill as per your belief?”
‘Son , have you tried to ask the cow as to how she feels being slaughtered just to become some body’s meal?’
“Cow is a baser object compared to man , so his opinion does not count”
‘Son , who gave you that right to decide and assume that air of superiority in birth. Is it God? That is why I say no to God. He can not create two things and tell one that he can eat the other. Suppose He in his judgement, creates another superior species and allows that species to decimate humans, would you approve the action of god. Would you not protest and organise protection of your race?
That is the problem today , my son. Concern for others has vanished Man has become self centred.’
“So, sir, you advocate kindness, but want to be indifferent to love. Is that right , sir?’
‘No son , I did not say that. I said love and be loved.’
‘Then sir, “Rahul said very slowly, very deliberately, ”how can you deny my mother, the love that she seeks from you?”
Gauthama reeled under this body blow from his son. For a very brief moment he felt he was trapped. Yashodhara sensed the discomfort. She had been watching her son question his father adroitly till he sprang this question. She intervened before Gautham could answer and said ”Son , it is not proper to question one’s own sire , this way. Today he has taken lot more responsibility, his family is no more restricted to you , me and our household, but extends beyond the walls of this palace and encompasses all the world.”
Gauthama could not decide whether Yashodhara was being sarcastic. She lifted her eyes and met his gaze. There was no confusion in those calm eyes. She bent down and touched his feet and put her hand on her head. The contact made Gautham shiver inwardly..Kneeling at his feet and looking up to him she said “I seek forgiveness for the questions my son asked..You are at liberty to carry on with whatever you have started. I or my son would not come between you and your mission.
You are seeing your son after a long time. what would you give him ,as a parent, for a parting gift”
Gauthama held up his begging bowl ,which he had tucked up under his arm pit covered by his robe. ’this is the only thing I possess that I can call my own. I can hand it over to him with out any inhibition.’
Yashoidhara’s eyes were blazing ’My son Rahul is a Prince. He has no use for a begging bowl. Let him not remember you through that. If you have no intention of staying back to bring him up and guide him through life , let him remember you through good things , he hears , being said about you”
‘ I, WOULD RATHER THAT HE REMEMBERS THIS BEGGING BOWL. It will remind him of people who suffer for want of food and shelter. It will inspire him to do what is good for those suffering masses. That will make him a great king’
They looked at each other for a long time. Then Yashodhara said ”I guarantee you that. They say you are the sun of Sakhyas, walking like an elephant in dignity. I know you yearned for long to know the root cause for all sufferings.You cited over indulgence as root cause for bulk of the sufferings and sickness that afflict this world. You subdued rogue elephant and helped men and women cross the ocean of sin.
I thought foolishly that i can hold you back with my love , devotion and service. You wanted to first liberate yourself from the cage of filial love, so that you could walk in search of solutions that you sought as part of your life’s mission.
You have succeeded . I have lost something very very personal and my own. I know now, that I have distributed what was mine to all those who love you as their leader
Forgive your poor wife for thinking so selfishly. Forgive please , this body which longs to be held in a tight embrace. But I know that would cause more delay and I will gain nothing more.
Please sir , do not worry about your son. I will bring him up as one worthy of you., high in values and steadfast in duty. He will have the knowledge that will help recognise what is good to be absorbed and nurtured. He will recognise evil and defeat it in any form
Go in peace today. You have entered our hearts and there you will stay never to be separated.
Let the dharma chakra that you turn send us good tidings about your glory
You have been most kind to have come here.
Farewell.
She stood with young Rahul at her side. Gauthama walked around them and moved out of the room