Budhdha parting

He stood there in a pensive mood ,right under the portals of the main gate of the capital city of Kapilavastu .It was ages since he had left the precincts of the city with a burning desire to find answers to several questions that had bothered him so much.Today as some one , who, many people believed, had attained enlightenment and acquired wide following for his beliefs,he was back at his city of birth.What brought him back he was not very sure.Was it the repeated and passionate requests of an aging king and father or some other force which he could not resist , he did not know.A smile lit up his face as he remembered the conversation he had with Vasuki whom he had met in one of his meetings at Gaya.He clearly remembered the sense of shock and regret,that rose up in his heart when he saw her .Till that moment he had never thought about his past.She stood there head bowed and hands folded in front with reverence, but her eyes had given her away.She was not the docile servile maid servant of the palace, but an angry volcano ready to explode and submerge poor Gautama in the flow of red hot lava. Gautama felt the anger and understood her feelings as she was very close confident of Yashodhara. She had never forgiven him for deserting her lady’s side. Gautama allowed her to speak and she went on and on ’Today , I see a very different Gautama , my lord. I see a stranger being worshipped by people who have lost their moorings in life..In your proximity , they seem to be enjoying their situation in life. They hear you talk about life and sufferings and admire you as a sage. What do they see in the words of some one, who had failed to see life through and walked away from life leaving others to suffer. I do not understand , my lord, do you?’ She did not wait for any answer, as it was not a question but a challenge. She continued, “My lady is still waiting, my lord. With her there is young Rahul, who is asking questions we can not answer. Before he passes his judgement on you , you must meet up with him. Let him not judge you on basis of what his mother told him. He is very wise and he can talk
You owe him an explanation”
Vasuki, my dear girl , you have been always forthright in your utterances. You have not said a word about your lady but conveyed a thousand accusations. You know I really have no need to explain my actions to any one , you know. My life is like an open book. A LOOK AT ME WILL TELL YOU ALL YOU WANT TO KNOW. About Rahul , am I not happy that he is at the side of his mother. I know there is pain all over.The pain hurts everyone alike.It is the mind that changes the degree of pain.
Vasuki screamed ,”I have not come to this place all the way from the capital city to hear your sermon. Let it serve any useful purpose to those whose brains have been scrambled. I came here to tell you that you have some unfinished business at the palace. you must visit us there .you must visit us there.”There were tears in her large shapely eyes and in those eyes Gautama saw young rahul and yashodhara.
A long suppressed flame in his heart jumped as though some one had rekindled it .Gautama woke up with a start. He was standing all alone. Vasuki had gone long back, leaving him with a miserable feeling as though he had committed blasphemy.
He shook his head. He said “pain cleanses the soul.Had he not felt the pain so intensely , he would not have ventured out on a quest and a long journey to find a salve to eradicate the pain.Vasuki belonged to a school who believed that pain is self inflicted. Finding solution to pain is likely to make this earth sterile. With out pain , there wont be creation, there wont be any life. Pain is the fountain head for life and only a fool will look for ways to mitigate pain, and destroy all that creates life. That is what Vasuki is accusing me of” He had to change that impression. He could not wait to visit his capital city. He started on his long trek all alone leaving behind qll his disciples. He walked on and on , on different terrains braving different climes and on a very cold day he was standing at the gates of the great city.


Chapter2
The old king jumped from his seat, ”what ,has he really come here? At last he could hear his old father’s pleadings. how fortunate I am? My prince has come back .This land is blessed. I am indeed blessed. They told me long back that this son would bring glory to my people. It is coming true.He has Come back.” The king was ecstatic. He ordered his ministers to gather and accompany him to receive the prodigal son. He ordered that the streets be cleaned and washed. Sprinkle flowers and scents on the streets. Let him not see a single worried face on the way. Take the best chariot and fasten the fastest horses. Let us bring the prince back in style, he roared.
Sudhdhodhana, was excited. He wanted to make sure that this time the prince will not go back again.His kingdom wanted a new king and the prince had arrived. How to hold him back was the question that frightened him. Only one person could hold him back That person was dear yashodhara.He must invite his beloved daughter in law to receive the prince.He briskly walked towards her chambers to invite her to join the wel come party
He found her dressed in her finest clothes. she had put on all her jewellery. Obviously the word of arrival of the prince had reached her first and here she was already to wel come him back. He was happy for her. Happy that her cloistered life was coming to an end. and new life was beckoning her showing a new way to glory. She would be most beautiful and dignified queen She stood up, as he stepped inside her chambers and touched his feet with her head as mark of great respect. She stood silently and king thought he saw a trace of confusion in her charming face. He wanted her to smile and be cheerful . Every thing depended on how she played her part in making the prince stay back in the palace. He said softly, “My dear , our days of waiting and prayers are over.Our prayers have not gone waste. The prince has come back. What a glorious day this is. He is waiting at the gate. Come let us bring our prince back.”She did not stir. Softly she asked ”which Prince sir?”
The old king reacted with a shock,’WHAT DEAR, HAVE’NT YOU HEARD THAT OUR DEAR Gautama is back . I know he had hurt you tremendously. Forgive him dear.He has Come back , that is most important. He will make up for all the pains he gave all of us. come on dear. Let us not keep him waiting.
She said boldly , “father, I am not going with you. Please leave me alone’
Why dear, why are you so apprehensive? You have it in you to hold him back. The love that you and dear rahul will shower on him will help in holding him back. The tears and pleadings of this old father will hold him back. This kingdom needs him, the people of this city need him . he can not disappoint so many people. Like the clouds clearing the face of the moon the dark phase of our life is over . come dear , He is waiting.
Yasho was firm.”Father, the person waiting at the gates of our capital city is not your son , the prince gautam .He is not my husband, nor is he father of my son Rahul. That man there , is a total stranger. You wont even recognise him. Father , I am sorry to shatter your hopes. We lost him long back. We lost him the day he climbed out of my bed and crossed the portals of the palace.Father I beg of you. Do not make it too difficult for yourself.He has not come back here to please you or me.He has suddenly remembered that he did not do properly when he left here first time. He has come here to cover a mistake. He has come here again to say good bye properly” There were tears in her eyes. She had great difficulty controlling her voice. She wanted to be strong . Her body shook in emotion . The old king was left speechless.
‘Father , do you know some thing? His head is not covered with bejewelled crown. His head is no more covered with curls of silky hair. His head is shaven and bald. His pierced ears are not adorned by diamonds but are hanging loose, bare with gaping holes like the roof of a ravaged house.He does not fancy silken clothes. His feverish emaciated body is covered partly with an ochre robe.
He speaks father,yes, he speaks in a strange tongue which you and I never learnt in any school. His words have strange meanings that i find difficult to decipher. Father , he is not your son any more. He stopped being my husband long ago.He is not one of us any more. He surely is not as lonely as you and I are. He has got his people around him all the time, hordes of them, there is no need to think about us They call him a Sakhya Muni and you want to bring him here? “
Suddhodhana stared at his daughter in law with disbelief written all over his face. What is she talking about? Has the long separation un hinged her brain? He wanted to hold her hand and comfort her.”Dear , you must not speak like this. Things will change , See he has come back , let us hold him back , come ,dear gather yourself and step up smartly. Do not despair”
NO , she shouted almost . She turned and pointed towards her grand bedroom. The bed was covered with finest silk and cushions.” I have not slept on that bed for fourteen long years .He left me there alone , with my child with out even a word of leave taking..If you really want me to receive him , I will do so , only if he steps into that room as prince Gauthama , not other wise” She closed her mouth tightly to prevent herself from crying out aloud and walked away from the old and now shattered king.
The king heard those words of anguish and pain and shattered hopes. The words of an immature woman , he thought, words of a woman scorned Slowly a doubt began to gnaw at his vitals as he began to question the motives behind his son’s sudden appearance at the gates of his city after a long hiatus. He could not bear to see his daughter in law in such a distraught plight. Was Gauthama, his son responsible for this state of his dear yasho. slowly the love for his son began to waver replaced by doubts and apprehensions un known. Yasho had struggled to bring her life back into some order after the turmoil immediately after the separation. Now the sudden appearance of her husband must have disturbed her somehow. Why did he come back and create all this confusion , the old king asked himself in a tired manner. With bowed head and stray thoughts , the king walked out to join his ministers who were waiting for him. They made their way to the main gates of the city. The king wanted to ask his son “what do you want now?”He was very angry.
All his anger disappeared once he set his eyes on his son. The shining fair skin was gone replaced by dark and wrinkled skin. The ears seemed too long and ugly with out the diamond studded ear rings. The shaved head bothered him. The ochre robe was torn in several places. His limbs seemed too thin and he looked totally emaciated. ’is this my son , ‘he asked himself in total dis belief.
Gauthama stood tall and erect, with his hands folded.He made no attempt to start any conversation.He did not wish to impose a relationship which he had forsaken long time back.He reminded himself that the attachment was one thing he must gaurd against to avoid suffering. He saw his aging father struggling for words.He smiled and asked in a barely audible voice “Are you well , our dear king.Can you please permit me to visit your great city” Slowly people were gathering around them. Sudhdhodhana said with feeling “It pains me that you should address me , such a distant manner. Is that what you call enlightenment. Can there be any belief or way of life that will build a chasm of disaffection between father and son. You seem to have weird thoughts cramping your brain , my son. Now to answer your request, for visiting this city , you are welcome, yes you are welcome here. This city belongs to you as much as it belongs to all those who reside here.You can enter this city and be blessed. This is the city of “Sakhyas” the capable.
“Thank you , Sir , you are indeed very kind and I am indeed blessed to step inside this city again.” ‘The people surrounded him with shouts of ’welcome , Budhdha, the lion of sakhyas’ An elderly man appealed to Gauthama to address the people. Gauthama said in soft tones ”I am experiencing a new thrill as I step on the soil of place of my birth and facing the people to whom I belong..This city has inspired me to think about the people and to serve peoples cause , however lofty or humble they may be. People always ask me what is that I have learned new and what is new in life. Life is as old as creation and as fresh as just blossomed flower. Just as the flower maintains its beauty, fragrance and its usefulness for a few moments of a day, , so does life , for a few fleeting moments of glory for an individual. The difference between man and the flower is only the scale factor of time..A day of the flower is equal in measure to few more months or years for the man. Both disappear or cast away once basic purpose has been served. What is the purpose served by the flower? We place him at the feet of our gods if we believe in one or use it to decorate some ones head, to enhance its beauty. The purpose it serves is not decided by the flower. It has no such ability. But man is different. At every moment of his life man is faced with options..If he uses his options to conserve himself , then he lasts for a long time. On the other hand if he uses his options for over indulgence, he wastes himself away more quickly. I wish to advocate to all of you only this simple truth. Adapt moderation in all your activities and you will enjoy fruits of your labour over longer period of life. If not you will fall prey to sickness , lethargy and sufferings lot sooner than you imagined.
People applauded when he stopped. There was no mention of god in his brief talk. He did not try to impose on these people any particular dogma. He simply presented a fact of life and hoped people would draw their own conclusions on the contents of his talk.
Sudhdhodhana was not impressed. He expected some thing more dramatic from one who was hailed to have “realised” and attained what was glorified as “Nirvana” .He was in no mood to argue. He was more keen on dragging the prince over to the palace fast where they could discuss life with out any hindrance.
Gauthama climbed on to the chariot and his old father followed him. The horses were whipped to a fast run up to the palace. The ladies of the royal household were standing outside with traditional aarthi plates and dhiyas to welcome home the prince. Gauthama had all along shunned all sorts of rituals, but today he was more keen on making his hosts happy than being dogmatic about his own beliefs. They washed his feet and gave him milk to drink and some fruits to eat. Some one extended a silver tray containing new set of clothes, which he declined. His eyes probed the crowd looking for Rahul and Yasho. He could not see them. But his eyes found vasuki and he waved to her with a smile. She smiled back and a word of thanks came out softly from her trembling lips. She was happy he remembered her request. She turned and ran inside the palace towards her lady’s chambers.

Chapter3
Yashodhara saw Vasuki running in. Her face was flushed with excitement. In between gasps she said ‘ Devi , The Prince has arrived. I just saw him in the royal court yard. I am sure he is coming here to visit you”
Visit me ? For what dear? There is nothing left here for him to visit. He has changed Vasuki . For him , we simply do not exist
‘No Devi , you must not say such things. It just is not right .He has come and he will visit He has to explain to you’
Explain what ,
‘Devi , I met him at Gaya, where he was addressing a congregation. I happened to be there , by chance and I spoke to him about you and young Rahul. I was angry with him for walking out on you. I called him names. I told him that he has unfinished business with you and that he should visit you. You must allow him to visit you and explain .
Explain what?
How dare you did such a daft thing Vasuki. You told him and he has come. Is that what you believe ? If he has come , it must be to finish off the relationship once for all. Is that what you wanted to happen to me , Vasuki
Vasuki was staggered. Such a possibility never occurred to her innocent mind.Aperson has always lived on hope. The thought that one day he would come back can sustain a lifetime of separation. With tears racing down her face Vasuki murmured ”Devi , I honestly did not think that it would work out all wrong”
Yashodhara felt pity for her friend. She hugged her and said consolingly ‘never mind. Let us see what he has to say’.
Vasuki was called to the king’s chambers, where the prince and the old king were in a discussion .She knocked and was allowed to enter. King told Vasuki that she should convey to Devi Yashodhara that the king and the prince would like her to join them in a discussion prior to dinner. Vasuki rushed back to Yashodhara with the king’s message and express wish. Yashodhara stood up and answered.’Vasuki, the king knows very well that I have no wish at all to meet with the prince.
If the prince wishes to see me he can visit my personal room alone. Rahul and I will wait for him there.”VASUKI SIMPLY STOOD THERE SOMEWHST CONFUSED. Yashodhara told her , “look here Vasuki ,the king knows very well how I feel towards the Prince. Relationship between me and the Prince has not changed any way from my side. He chose to break it by deserting my side .He can always comeback to reclaim the relationship if he so desires. But from my side, I shall not take any initiative.”She was strong and very assertive. Vasuki returned to the king’s chambers with yashodhara’s message. The king dismissed her with out a word. Gauthama stood up and said ‘I shall go to her, after our meals.
They had their dinner in silence. Gauthama avoided all delicacies prepared in his honour and was satisfied with two roti’s and some dal , frugal by any standards. The king pushed away his silver plate laden with sweets in disgust and stood up to indicate that he was finished with his dinner. Gauthama stood up and slowly moved out of the room alone.


Chapter4
He stood outside Yasho’s chamber. The door was wide open. He could see inside the room where yasho and young Rahul were together. Yasho was squatting on the ground while Rahul was standing close by. They were hoping that he would rush in and reach for them. He stepped inside the room. Yasho pointed a finger at him and said to Rahul ”Look son , here is your Sire, you possibly have only a very vague memory of how he used to look before , so you may not show any shock at his present appearance.He walked out of our life to save the three worlds. People call him the Enlightened and Budhdha the preacher, who destroyed Mara, the epitome of all that was evil that ever corrupts a man. He is the light that drove away the curse of ignorance and taught the world the eightfold path. Go to him , my son and touch his feet and seek his blessings. I do not know , when you will get another opportunity, as i fear your Sire has no intention of staying with us for long.
Young Rahul walked upto Gauthama , with slow measured steps, went down on his knees and touched his feet with two hands and rubbed his head with his hands. Then he bent down and kissed his fathers feet and a tear dropped. Gauthama jumped back as though a red hot coal piece was kept on his feet. Rahul asked ”Sir , can you take me with you? I hear that you have thousands of followers, treading the path shown by you , so one more follower may not make a big difference.”
‘No son , I wont say that you should not follow my path. You are still very young to make such decisions. Further , you have your own station in life that has been pre ordered for you and you have to prepare yourself for that station , by learning from worthy teachers appointed by your mother..When you grow up your full manhood with knowledge of the learning absorbed by you ,then possibly you will take a decision , but not now.’
“Father , what is the middle path about which whole world seems to be talking about”
‘Son , I have not come here to preach. Yet when you ask a question ,I can not remain silent. That is avoiding an action when needed. I am concerned about actions that we take and thought processes associated with those actions. The thought process swings between two extremes. In one extreme, there is excess of energy, intense commitments and severe pressures of compulsions. In the other extreme also there is excess of energy of different kind steeped in base thoughts, perversions, shirking of responsibilities and fear of consequences..In one extreme you act brutally and in the other you act foolishly. In both cases , you are doomed to fail, because these actions only add to miseries as you do not always gain what you set out to achieve , through these actions..Hence I advocate a middle path that is based on proper understanding of issues involved, a thought process based on moderation rather than extremism that inspires actions applying right values, efforts and commitment. I am against impulsive actions..I advise moderation even in simple acts like feeding , enjoyment of pleasure etc.’
‘Sir , are you the first one to state this middle path.”
‘No son , I am not the first one. These thoughts have been said before, but actions had become second maiden to rituals and emphasis on rituals robbed the actions of their orientation leading to extremism , which i oppose. I could get to know of the middle path only when i left my sphere of zone of comforts, which included institution of life , marriages and luxury.’
“Sir , when you left this place first time , did you act on impulse”
‘No son , I did not act on impulse. I took my own time. I really tried to look for my solutions staying in the comfort zone and when it became evident that solution was outside , i decided and after that only i acted.’
‘Was it really called for, sir?”
‘yes and no, son. I found it difficult to understand certain aspects of life as long as I remained attached to the palace and its attached values. My perceptions were dim and impacts dull and shallow. It is only when you punish your body to extremes of sufferings that you perceive many aspects of life .My mind came uncluttered only when i detached myself from life’
“What did you find out , sir , for which you have received so much adulation”
‘Again nothing son. I found out , no, I should not use that word . It just dawned on me , when I kept questioning myself severely that over indulgence in pleasure, passion, desire is the root cause for all human sufferings, diseases and un happiness.’‘
‘SIR, IS LOVING SOME ONE DEARLY A SIN , IN YOUR BELIEF?”
‘No son, I am not against love. I have many meanings for the word love in my mind. I like to keep all of them separate instead of lumping all of them together. Every love is sacred and pure. Love brings about compassion which in turn directs kindness and kindly actions. Only actions born out of compassion and kindness result in happiness. When the same action is executed out of passion and compulsion leads to misery.’
“A man kills a cow to eat its flesh. You say killing is not a kind act and you are against killing. Would you like to see the man go hungry and suffer because he can not kill as per your belief?”
‘Son , have you tried to ask the cow as to how she feels being slaughtered just to become some body’s meal?’
“Cow is a baser object compared to man , so his opinion does not count”
‘Son , who gave you that right to decide and assume that air of superiority in birth. Is it God? That is why I say no to God. He can not create two things and tell one that he can eat the other. Suppose He in his judgement, creates another superior species and allows that species to decimate humans, would you approve the action of god. Would you not protest and organise protection of your race?
That is the problem today , my son. Concern for others has vanished Man has become self centred.’
“So, sir, you advocate kindness, but want to be indifferent to love. Is that right , sir?’
‘No son , I did not say that. I said love and be loved.’
‘Then sir, “Rahul said very slowly, very deliberately, ”how can you deny my mother, the love that she seeks from you?”
Gauthama reeled under this body blow from his son. For a very brief moment he felt he was trapped. Yashodhara sensed the discomfort. She had been watching her son question his father adroitly till he sprang this question. She intervened before Gautham could answer and said ”Son , it is not proper to question one’s own sire , this way. Today he has taken lot more responsibility, his family is no more restricted to you , me and our household, but extends beyond the walls of this palace and encompasses all the world.”
Gauthama could not decide whether Yashodhara was being sarcastic. She lifted her eyes and met his gaze. There was no confusion in those calm eyes. She bent down and touched his feet and put her hand on her head. The contact made Gautham shiver inwardly..Kneeling at his feet and looking up to him she said “I seek forgiveness for the questions my son asked..You are at liberty to carry on with whatever you have started. I or my son would not come between you and your mission.
You are seeing your son after a long time. what would you give him ,as a parent, for a parting gift”
Gauthama held up his begging bowl ,which he had tucked up under his arm pit covered by his robe. ’this is the only thing I possess that I can call my own. I can hand it over to him with out any inhibition.’
Yashoidhara’s eyes were blazing ’My son Rahul is a Prince. He has no use for a begging bowl. Let him not remember you through that. If you have no intention of staying back to bring him up and guide him through life , let him remember you through good things , he hears , being said about you”
‘ I, WOULD RATHER THAT HE REMEMBERS THIS BEGGING BOWL. It will remind him of people who suffer for want of food and shelter. It will inspire him to do what is good for those suffering masses. That will make him a great king’
They looked at each other for a long time. Then Yashodhara said ”I guarantee you that. They say you are the sun of Sakhyas, walking like an elephant in dignity. I know you yearned for long to know the root cause for all sufferings.You cited over indulgence as root cause for bulk of the sufferings and sickness that afflict this world. You subdued rogue elephant and helped men and women cross the ocean of sin.
I thought foolishly that i can hold you back with my love , devotion and service. You wanted to first liberate yourself from the cage of filial love, so that you could walk in search of solutions that you sought as part of your life’s mission.
You have succeeded . I have lost something very very personal and my own. I know now, that I have distributed what was mine to all those who love you as their leader
Forgive your poor wife for thinking so selfishly. Forgive please , this body which longs to be held in a tight embrace. But I know that would cause more delay and I will gain nothing more.
Please sir , do not worry about your son. I will bring him up as one worthy of you., high in values and steadfast in duty. He will have the knowledge that will help recognise what is good to be absorbed and nurtured. He will recognise evil and defeat it in any form
Go in peace today. You have entered our hearts and there you will stay never to be separated.
Let the dharma chakra that you turn send us good tidings about your glory
You have been most kind to have come here.
Farewell.
She stood with young Rahul at her side. Gauthama walked around them and moved out of the room